Saturday, December 15, 2007

I still dont know why they never put this song on any of the albums.

Im so ready to move out. I was so close last time. We had the place picked out and everything, but nothing. Thats life huh?

I hate school. I still dont have my classes picked out yet. My friend and I were going to move to STL to go to school, but we would have to get an apartment. Thats not the problem though the problem is that she wants to take a semester off like a stupid person. So I would be going up there before her. The other problem is finding a roommate until she gets there.

Im thinking that Im just going to do my own thing and forget her. She doesnt seem to want to do anything, but then again neither do I.

My mom wants to keep me with her, which is a bad thing. I would never move on in life if I stayed. Look where Im at now. My other friend keeps calling me asking me to move in with her.  I dont like her that much, but she is a really good friend. I hate having to include her when Im making a decision. She always says something that influences my choice. She doesnt want to be old and lonely. I guess I can understand that but those of you who know and have met my mom know that she is too fly to be lonely.

The guy I mentioned before is creeping me out. He wants to date and all that. I guess I dont have a problem with it, but I just dont want to. I also dont want to miss out on knowing him. Oh well.

On to imortant things Johnny Depp's new movie is coming out next weekend Sweeney Todd...Im so excited.

Until Next Time...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Good News

Good song, but I think its much better acoustic.

On to more important things. I got the job and it pays more. I waited by the phone just like I said I would and I didnt get the call until one week after the interview.

Im going to dye and cut my hair. I think Im going to get it done by the pros this time around. I dont want to go bald.

I met a pretty nice guy recently. He seems to be different than all the other guys I've come to know. Everyone says that huh?

Im going to go practice my writing. You'd be suprised to know that Im not a very creative person when I write, maybe I should take a class. 

Until Next Time...

Friday, December 7, 2007

Nothing At All

I love this song I first heard it at the beginning of the movie Closer (Julia Roberts Jude Law Clive Owen Natalie Portman) or something of the like.

So I quit my job a while ago and surprise surprise I've yet to find a new one. I've applied to every place in walking distance of our new house at least three times to each place and I got nothing. Well that's not necessarily true I did have two or three interviews here and there. The most recent one was on Tuesday.

She said that the background searches should take about three days then they'll be making callbacks for drug screenings and if you pass you're offered the job. So I should be hearing....scratch that....I'm hoping to receive a call later on today or tomorrow. (I'm waiting by the phone)

It was a group interview...my first time experiencing one of those. I spoke a good share I guess I could have...done better...tried harder....cared more.....but I didn't so...should haves...would haves and...could haves are pointless.

I feel stuck in life. Its like I'm getting nowhere everything is becoming pointless and I'm willing to admit that I feel as if I need some assistance some guidance if you will, but who doesn't every now and then. I feel vulnerable admitting such a thing. I'll regret it in the morning. Kind of like a hangover.

On the good side its another day closer to the Matchbox Twenty concert.  (I'm coming guys!!)

Until Next Time.....

Friday, November 30, 2007

Its been a while...

Good news no scratch that GREAT news the Matchbox Twenty tour starts in January (Exile in America) and they are coming here Feb. 25 @ 7:00 to the new Sprint Center.

I already bought tickets....tenth row! I'm so excited. I'm saving up money so I can buy T-Shirts and stuff.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.hkjewishfilmfest.org/image/tkts.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.hkjewishfilmfest.org/Tickets.html&h=457&w=577&sz=13&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=2FbitcmOdFOGPM:&tbnh=106&tbnw=134&prev=/images?q=+tickets&svnum=10&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&ie=UTF-8

Until Next Time...

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

You'll be happy to know that I've been attending school on a regular basis. Yes, I have... unfortunately. The worst part about it is that there are so many people here that I know/knew. It really is a small world...a bit too small.

In case you were wondering me and my no longer new, but I still call it that because its just a month old cell phone are doing fine. It gets a little frustrating at times because I have a hard time answering it. You'd think I could just push talk and boom...not the case here.

If I haven't already told you I put in my two weeks notice at my job. I don't get paid enough as I'm sure I said on many occasions and its too far from where I live. (we moved)...(not to Georgia)...(another unfortunate event). So, my boss, instead of quitting offered me an open position in the store that's by my house. So I'm just transferring, but I don't want to because like I said, I don't like the pay. It was okay for a while and now its not. So I'm going to retract my agreement to transfer and just find a new job. Time to break out the hunting gear.

I went looking the other day and I picked up a few applications from some places in walking distance from our new house. So cross your fingers for me. I refuse to be jobless during the holidays. The only thing about these places is that I don't think the pay is going to be much different than what I'm getting from my current job. I guess anything is better than nothing until I find something better.

I found my dream job but I'm not 21 so I have to wait. Yay.

I think I may be getting a cold. Ahhh!

Until Next Time...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I don't like people who need reassurance all the time about every little thing. Its stupid. I don't understand it and it makes me mad.

 

I bought a new cell phone about 2 weeks ago. I'm still having a hard time operating it seeing as how it has two sides.

Our house is a mess. There are boxes everywhere everything is packed and pushed to the side. My room is not all the way packed yet. It should be because were moving in less than two weeks. I still haven't told my boss.

Speaking of work. I am now working full time. The other full time girl quit and I picked up her hours. I was second pick for her hours because they offer them to the person with seniority, that chick didn't want them because she has two kids and no one to watch them.

My friend and I went to the haunted houses The Beast and The Chambers or something like that. I usually try to go at least once every year. I haven't had that much fun ever. I want to go again. It was a crazy night.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Rob's Hips

I was watching Rob Thomas' video Lonely No More and I thought that everyone should get a glimpse of Rob working his hips. Enjoy.

 

Until Next Time...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Its been a while since I last wrote. When I started this 'amazing' blog I had every intention of keeping it up. Oh well.

I made a mini list of small things to look forward to. The first is premier week on ABC. There's Desperate Housewives, Private Practice and Greys Anatomy. Another thing to look foward to is first semester almost being over.

Speaking of school I am finally all caught up on my homework. I had so much work I was this - close to not doing it.

I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice. I really liked it. I wasn't originally going to read it but I watched the movie and I liked it. Since it is always said that the book is better than the movie I went out and bought it. My favorite character is Mr. Darcy. He is a pretty complex character, not to mention the man playing him in the movie is a rough beauty.

Anyway's because of my unyielding love for Mr. Darcy I was told that there is sort of a spin off book on how he came to be and all that. It's called Mr Darcy's story. So far so good.

<---Mr. Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen) He looks a little like John Cusack...it's the nose.

Another book I'm reading is called An Inconvient Truth by Al Gore. Im a little more than halfway through it. Its an easy read.

My mom is once again flipping out. It's the whole routine. So now were packing.....again. Every now and then she does this I guess its how she copes, but she's never taken it this far. So I guess we'll see if the move actually happens this time. Since I believe we're not going anywhere I'm not packing a damn thing. While were on the topic I'd like to point out that this woman is horrible with money I gave her 600 dollars and literally the next day she asked me for more. She's gambling it away.

I just heard that in Canada you only have to be 18 to drink. I wonder if its true.

Before I go I would like to give a special thanks to the masterminds behind the Magic Eraser. Earlier today I accidentally got black hair dye all over our cream colored leather sofa dont ask how it happened and I spent tons of time using all kinds of household cleaners trying to get it out, but to no avail. Then finally I went online to seek help and I read about the Magic Eraser luckliy we had one in the house. It took some elbow grease but I got all out.

Until Next Time....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I love this song.

Not much happened today. It was my day off. So I did some homework and crap.

My friend got accepted to some program at school and she's really happy about it. I guess I'm happy for her. I hope she sticks with it. When she called to tell me about it she also wanted to tell my mom about it and my mom told her how proud she was of her.

I'm not sure why, but my mom felt the need to tell me that she was just as proud of me too. It made me mad. It was like 'even though you're not doing much with your life and your friends are going places, I don't want you to feel left out just because you suck'. Oh well.

I am so fed up with school, teachers and homework. Every year its the same shit. It makes me mad to the point where I don't want to do anything in life. Its like forget work forget school forget it all.....Stay positive.

Until next time....

Friday, August 17, 2007

A lot has happened since I last wrote, but every time I go to actually write it, it never seems like much. 

I went to see Rush Hour 3 it was funny. I've picked and signed up for all my classes. Good news...they're all Internet classes so I don't have to go on campus at all. The only time I would actually have to go on campus is when I need to print crap.

This remix is off the chains!--Randomness--

So I got paid today. My check looked like I haven't worked a day in my life. Yay me. There's no way I can even try to be independent with these wages. My cell phone bill is half my paycheck. Life is good. Still looking for a new job, but with my luck it will never ever happen. Story of my life.

I know I shouldn't act like I have it horrible because in reality I don't, but I want my own place car and life and its just hard. I never expected it to be easy, actually I pretty much always expect the worse out of everything and everyone. Life always disappoints. Good for you if you've experienced the opposite.

I have plans to purchase a car in September, so we'll see what obstacles gets in the way this time.

I weigh 134 and I'm 5'11 I hope to loose 10 pounds over the winter months. I want to be thinner. I want my high school weight back. I'm so goal oriented.

Untill next time....

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Jotting

I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd jot a few lines.

I finally have my own cell phone plan separate from my moms. Now I don't have to worry about her running up the bill. I really do hate her most of the time.

School is about to start soon. I wish I didn't have to go. I really hate it. I don't like the people, I don't like homework and I don't like getting up early. Since I don't have a car the only time I have a ride is in the morning. I cant go to evening classes because my mom is STILL in school herself and her classes are in the evening. Its stupid.

I'm still looking for my way out of this place. Still haven't found it, which is not surprising seeing as how its me who is looking.

I found out that my 16 year old sister is making out with 24 year old guys in parks. She also drinks with said guys. I used to care about what she did but now I really don't give a fuck. I had the talk with her and everything I told her I'm here as long as she didn't lie to me and all that crap, but she lied to me about her extracurricular activities so its not my problem. I sincerely mean that. She's not my responsibility anyway, I'm just related to her.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Nothing Much

I have three days in a row off. Wednesday Thursday and Friday. So far I've absent mindedly made plans for each day. I don't think I'm going to get to just relax. I'm going to try to cancel some of those plans. I need some me time.

At work today a guy came in. He was more sexy than he was cute. The thing that made him sexy was his unexpected maleness and his sent. He just seemed so male..manly..masculine. I don't know how else to explain it, all I know is that I wanted him in that moment.

The more time I spend at my job the more I hate it. I want a better paying job so bad it hurts. As soon as that happens I can move forward in life.

My friend keeps saying that she wants me to move in with her and sleep on her couch. As much as I want to move out I don't want to move out like that. Today we were talking about getting a big apartment with three people. I'm not so sure about that. I don't want to live with her friends and I'm sure she wouldn't want to live with any of mine. So there goes that.

I'm thinking about cutting my hair. Right now it's long black and curly. I'm thinking of getting it like Anne Hathaway's in The Devil Wears Prada. I think it's cute.

My cell phone bill was 246.56. I share a plan with my mom and since we agreed that I would pay it she thinks she can run it up. I don't make that much so money and that bill is my whole pay check...literally. Next week I'm getting my own plan and with my job I get 15% off my bill so I wont be paying more than 80 bucks per month depending the typeof plan. Another perk is that I'll be able to get 75 dollars off of any phone I pick so I'm happy about that.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Just Stuff

My shifts are longer I no longer work 5 hour shifts I only work 7 and 8 hour shifts, which I hate. I don't get paid enough to even act like I care what happens to that shop. I hope it burns down or blows up in the middle of the night...I don't really mean that, but if that does happen do you think they will keep the workers on payroll...I wonder.

I kicked it with some friends last night. We drank Bacardi Watermelon rum. Since I'm not a drinker and I'm thin that stuff was pretty strong to me. I only drank a small amount and I was a little out of it. My friend decided that she could 'handle' it so she drank two glasses straight and a glass of White Zinfandel. Long story short it turns out she couldn't at all handle it.

When I drank I didn't like it so I ate tons of bread to soak it up and I drank tons of water to break it down and within 20 minutes I was fine. At least now I know my limit so I can never make that mistake again. Live and Learn...Right?

I'm going to start looking for another job that pays more because this job is not at all cutting it. If I were to move out like I was planning to I could barely afford the rent. So something has to be done. I almost feel a little bad about quitting because I know I am going to eventually, but these wages are not going to pay the bills.

I think I'm going to order another Matchbox Twenty DVD from Amazon. Its going to be the vh1 storytellers DVD. I cant wait. I'm hoping that maybe since the come back is upon us that they might re-release it. Fat chance of that happening.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Come Back

I finally heard the new Matchbox Twenty song I forget what its called. I think it's called How Far We've Come. In fact I'm pretty sure that's what its called. I only heard it once but I think its okay. I had to listen to it on YouTube.

Their new album is said to come out October 2nd. I cant wait. The come back is upon us.

I ordered their 2 disc DVD called Show. I would have just bought it in the stores, but I couldn't find it anywhere which is understandable because its pretty old.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Twenty Today

Today -July 15- is my birthday.

This is my second decade. I'm officially no longer a teenager, which doesn't mean anything. I mean it's not like I get any special privileges....right.

I went to see Sicko. I want to say I was surprise at what I heard, but I'm not. I am however surprised at the extent some people will go just to keep another down.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Decisions Decisions

Its been a while since I've last wrote. A lot has happened. I'm not quite sure where to start.

I had a fight with one of my friends. It was so stupid It made me pretty mad, but everything is fine now.

My other friend asked me to move in with her for only 100 dollars  a month. Not bad. The only reason I probably wont is because I don't have a car but when I get the financial aid back from school maybe I can get one at the end of August.

As much as I want to move out I don't want it to be premature. I cant really explain it but I want to ready on all levels. Maybe I can move in second semester when I have a car so I wouldn't have to rely on her for rides to and from work or school. I just don't want to be a burden.

I cant go to that other university because I only have 21 credits instead of 24. I really don't care anymore since things seem to be moving along nicely here. Who knows how long this feeling will last.

I've always told myself that when I do get a car that I was going to leave first chance I get. I guess we'll see.

The boss from my old job at the hotel called and told me that I had to come pick up my last check. I don't have a problem with finding a way to get there but its what she said that made me mad. She said something along the lines of her not seeing me so the check has just been sitting there.

She said it like it was my fault that its been siting there in her office. How the hell am I supposed to know I have a check there unless someone tells me. When I was working there my checks were deposited I didn't have to worry about picking them up. And as far as her not seeing me, why would she? I no longer work there and I don't hang out at hotels.

So it turns out that my new job has one benefit. I get 15% off of my Sprint bill. When I found out I was happy because I could be putting that money toward something else like an apartment or a car.

I ran the idea of me moving out past my mom and the first thing she said was, "Can I sill claim her on my taxes?" Then she said, "Don't tell your daddy because once he hears that you might be moving out then he doesn't have to pay child support anymore and I need it."

Then she tears up and says that she doesn't want me to leave. So I told that the only reason she doesn't want me to leave is because of the money she might be missing out on. She admitted it, then told me that I wont be able to make it on my own.

My birthday is coming up and my mom is doing anything special for me and my friend slash possible roommate knows how my mom is and she told me that her mom would go to dinner with me. I love her mom so much.

I'll be twenty on Sunday. I'm almost no longer a teenager.

I need someone to help me and tell me what they would do or what they think I should do. I don't want to fail on my first chance at life.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

The Party

So the party was yesterday and everything went okay.

It was actually kind of fun. I met a few new people who seem pretty cool. I spent the majority of the night talking to some guy. Once we were introduced we just kind of stuck together.

Then there was this other guy who was invited by the 'birthday girl'. Her intentions were to get us to hit it off. I would have and wanted to speak to him but I couldn't seem to get away from that other guy. Then the invited guy's friend came up to me and told me that he really wanted to talk to me. I feel kind of bad not speaking to him.

Maybe later on tonight I'll see him again. Well on to the biggest event of the night. My friend (B-day girl) has a guy friend who she's liked for a while now but did nothing because she was afraid of messing up a good friendship...long story short they ended up on making out with each other. It was one of those things that was bound to happen sooner or later...its been building up for months now. I'm happy for her. I think she's scared that it might be a little weird between them. I might have to agree with her because they were under the influence.

Monday, July 2, 2007

'Living'

At times I feel as if I'm out of emotions. I'm not quite sure how to really explain it so I'm going to leave it at that.

My head hurts.

I hate when people go out of their way to make promises that we both know they're not going to keep. I'd rather the person not say anything at all...ever.

I don't like what I'm becoming or what I am so far. I don't really live life. I'm just kind of there. I'm the only person I know who just doesn't care about anything. Seeing as how we're on the subject how does one know when they have truly lived?

If I had to guess it would be when one has loved and loss. I'm sure there's more to it than that but who knows.

As much as I hate people I wouldn't mind meeting some new ones in another town/city/state of course. I want to meet someone who could possibly contribute something to my life and hopefully I could do the same for them.

Its summer I should find a fling of some sort....yeah right not in this lifetime. Nothing exciting or risky ever happens to me. I'm sadly becoming used to it.

I think I might go ahead and try to go to a university for school. We'll see how it works out. The worse case scenario would be me stuck back at a community college, which I hate. With my 'luck' I wont be going anywhere, but I might as well try it. I don't think its possible to feel any lower than I already do.

If I haven't mentioned before my friend is having her 20th birthday party tomorrow. From what Ihear its going to be pretty big. We'll see if I find any ounce of fun in it at all. Its hard to have fun or to find fun when you're not happy.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Here We Stay

 We were supposed to be moving to Georgia August 1st, well that's not going to happen. I was excited for the change. I knew it wasn't going to happen though, but its nice to have something to look forward to in life. Any other time I'd dread waking up, but since there isn't going to be any relocating after all I'm back to dreading.

I need a new environment something that motivates me. My life here just feels so final. I haven't even enrolled for my second year of college yet. I haven't the desire to either. I actually don't want to or care to do anything at all...ever. Its quite sad really. I'm convinced that the cure to this is leaving. It seems simple enough right?......Wrong.

I want there to be a way out that is visible to me, but it doesn't seem like that's ever going to happen.

My friend and I have birthdays in the same month hers is July 3 and mine is July 15. We have plans to drive to St. Louis, which isn't very far but what else would I be doing...nothing. Seeing as how she has a new apartment I'm going to buy her a lamp or a wall clock. It doesn't sound like a good gift but that's what she wants and I'm all good and fine with it. Whatever works for her.

My life is depressing. Don't get me wrong I have a fairly comfortable life but for some reason It just doesn't feel...complete. Theres nothing to smile about. How cliche is that?

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Possible Relocation

Well work still sucks.

I bought James Morrison's CD a few days ago. I love it. Its a pretty good CD.

I just got news that we might be relocating to Georgia. I'm happy about that. Not only do I get to quit my current job, but I get to leave this city. The only down side is that I'm not to fond of the sun, but I'll get over it just to move away from here.

My friend wants me to go to school with her. I think I might look into it. I wouldn't mind experiencing dorm life. Every time I think about it I'm reminded of that show Felicity. I loved that show.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

'Life'

So I'm realizing that I don't at all like this job. The pay is crap and I DO NOT like working with people. I need to find a job where I have very little to no interaction with people. I'm not a people person.

I'm also realizing that the older I get the suckier my 'life' becomes. One of my friends is moving up in her life she has a car and she's moving into her own apartment in a few months. She has support though her mom doesn't take her money. In fact her mom does the complete opposite. Her mom actually has to sneak her money because she wants to help her out. Don't get me wrong Im extremely happy for my friend and I wish only the best for her.

Then there's me no car, sucky job, sucky pay, no where near moving out and a mother who cant keep her hands out of my pockets. Yay me. Yay this life I'm living. I want to get unstuck. I know life isn't easy nor is it supposed to be........but seriously.

I really want to cry right now, but I cant. If there is a way out please let me know because I have yet to find it.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

So Far

I just got off of work and so far work is okay, but whenever I have to go in I hate it so much. Its like school.

Last night I hung out with an old friend and shes good, but can I just say 'my, how people change' its amazing really. We went to some parties...all located on the same block. I've never seen people drink like that. That in itself is something.

I went to see 1408 with John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson. I wasn't expecting it to be the way it was. Actually I don't think I had any expectations at all. All in all its an okay movie.

I love love love this song, its relatable.  (James Morrision Wonderful World) He has a soulful voice. Its soothing.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

First Day

So I had my first day of work, training of course. In case I didn't mention it before I work at a beauty supply store. I think the first day went well I didn't do much but sit at the television and watch tapes. Typical first day of training stuff.

I got a glimpse of their register and it looks a little complicated, but I'm convinced that I can handle it....hopefully.

On the drive home I saw a few more places hiring and I'm thinking that I should apply to those places because maybe they pay more than what I'm getting now. Its all 'about the Benjamins'.

Speaking of pay...I don't get my first paycheck until July 6. Bummer.

My stomach is growling....Feeding time.

Good News

I got the job.

Monday, June 18, 2007

All I can Do Is Wait

So I just got back from my interview, I think it went pretty well. I did everything right. I have no after action regrets.

So cross your fingers for me. She said she had three other applicants to look at and that she would call within the week or next week depending on if I got the job or not. Now....I wait.

The only bad part about this job is that the pay is CRAP. It seems that every new job I get the pay gets crappier and suckier, but its a job and I need the little money I can get if I ever plan to move out.

I went to see Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer. Chris Evans is a cutie pie. The Silver Surfer wasn't looking too bad either. I don't think I like Jessica Alba, I mean she pretty and all but I think her acting 'talents' are a little limited.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

A Bit of Good News

Its been two weeks and two days since I quit my last job. It seems like it hasn't been that long.

Yesterday I went job hunting and I put in an application at a beauty supplies store and when I walked in the lady at the counter said that they were hiring immediately so I felt pretty good about that....with good reason because at about 1:30 today  I got a callback for an interview on Monday. I'm so excited and hopeful. My fingers are crossed for a successful interview.

I might be making money soon. Which means I can get back on track and head toward my independence aka adulthood. Yay me. Hopefully my mom keeps her hands out of my pockets long enough for me to accomplish that.

Today is my Grandma's birthday and she doesn't even know it. Its not that she doesn't remember its that she cant. She's been living with Alzheimer's and she's pretty far in so she no longer does anything on her own anymore. I wish it didn't have to be that way. The family is throwing her a party at five today. Even though she cant express herself I still believe that at times she's aware of the things happening around her.

To top it off my aunt says she has cancer. Its not completely out of no where, it pretty much runs in the family. The real issue with that is that my aunt is a bit of a hypochondriac so sometimes she fine when she says she's not. So we are hoping that this is just one of those things.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Nothing Good...As Usual

Well Its going on 2 full weeks since I've been out of work and still no luck with finding a new job. Yay for me, I love life.

I've been hearing about a thing that helps place people in apartments and gives them jobs. It sounds good enough. I don't know the details but I kind of want to try life on my own without help, but with my current situation I feel that I haven't any other choice.

I want to catch a train and just go. I don't want to do it alone, but I will if I must. Still I rather not.

I cant wait until the new season of Greys Anatomy starts. I love that show. The cast is great. Speaking of the cast I went to see Knocked Up it was funny I wasn't expecting it to be that funny.

I heard that Isaiah Washington (Dr. Preston Burke) was fired from the show. I wonder what that's going to do to the ratings. I also wonder if they are going to replace him. I guess I'll just have to wait it out.

I lost the hearing in my left ear. I believe its slowly coming back, at least that's what I'm hoping. It happened at Swope Park there was a band there and we were sitting close to the speaker I didn't notice it until it was too late. So now I'm suffering the consequence.

Monday, June 11, 2007

'Must Get Out'

I was watching or reading a thing, cant remember which, it was about the most memorable things in a persons life. One of which is first love. It stood out to me because I've never experienced love and because I know nothing of it, at times I fail to see what the big deal is.

Sometimes...well most times I feel I've nothing to offer. I mean I'm 19 living at home no where close to moving out, I no longer have a job, I don't have a car or even a license. My plan was to be out of the house by 21, but from the way things are going now that'll never happen.

To top it off the money I saved is slowly dissolving. The reason for that is my  mom is a horrible money manager so when she spends too much at the boat/casino or however else she screws up I'm the one she looks to to take over the bills. She knows full well that I'm saving so we agreed that I pay only one bill, but lately she's been coming to me for money. What she borrows is not small amounts so my moving out doesn't look too promising.

I wish there was a way for me to just up and leave and room with someone for a few months. However I end up leaving I hope its soon because I must get out.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Random Stuff

I'm watching The First Daughter with Katie Holmes and I have to admit that I actually like this movie. I don't usually like romantic stuff, but lately I've been a little wrapped up in it mostly because I don't have that. Another thing I cant help but mention is that the guy, Marc Blucas, looks very nice in jeans.

Since were on the topic of the guy when I found out that he was apart of the security team I was beyond shocked, I still am. This reminds me of the other movie where the same events happened with the whole undercover agent and all, but I wasn't shocked in that movie. I think it was called Chasing Liberty.

Last night I watched Spanglish. I love that movie. My favorite part is the part where Paz Vega and Adam Sandler are on the beach conversing about life with children and the choices they have to make as parents, its cute. I like the emotion in that scene. I also liked the touch of humor. (Paz standing in the wind)

There's a sonic commercial where they were talking about tea and the the guy in the passenger seat said something about there being 48 letters in the alphabet.....hilarious!

I was watching Rob Thomas' live performances on YouTube (Solo and Matchbox 20) and the thing I love about him is that he seems passionate about what he does. He also seems to enjoy it. I hardly ever see anyone that shows passion for what they do, so I admire Rob for that. I want to know what drives him or what drives anyone with that passion.

I wish to know that kind of passion.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Just Stuff

Sometimes I like this song and sometimes its just annoying. I guess today is a day that I like it. My favorite part is, "...we all look like we feel..." I think this is very true no matter how hard a person tries to cover up their feelings something about them always gives them away. I like to think that I'm good at covering up my feelings and sometimes I am, but there are times where there's just no hiding.

I often try to justify the things that I do. For example, I'll buy something and I will not open, use or wear it until a 'special' occasion. Then when I come to finally use the item again the occasion is still not appropriate, but I end up using the item anyway and I justify it by saying to myself that there is never going to be an event appropriate enough so I might as well. Nothing exciting ever happens in my life so what's the big deal. Right?

I went to Wal-Mart today with my friend we were looking at the video recorders and we were jokingly taking pictures of each other and somewhere along the way she said, "Alright that's enough pictures, you know I'm ugly." All of a sudden she's become so aware of herself. It worries me.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Not likely

I love love love Daughtry, especially this song. My favorite part is, "...but these places and these faces are getting old, so I'm going home."

I feel the same way. Everything in my life here is getting old, as a matter of fact everything is beyond old.

I want to leave, but I don't think that is ever going to happen for me. As I've said before I feel as if I'm stuck in this town. I'm no longer moved, motivated or inspired by anything and I strongly believe that the cure is for me to change where I live and the people in my life.

My friend confided in me. She told me that she felt as if she was going to die single. She was sad. She hasn't had a boyfriend ever she thinks there is something wrong with her. I keep assuring her that she perfectly fine but she refuses to believe it. Her self-esteem is very low. Besides being there for her I'm not sure of what else I can do for her.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I Finally Quit

All of my job troubles at the hotel are over. I quit a few days ago. I'm not yet sure how I feel about it. Usually when I quit a job I feel relieved, this time I don't feel anything. Oh well. The only minor downside to my quitting would be the fact that I'll no longer get to see the infamous smiles of Justin and James.

Me and some friends got together and we chilled, it was nothing special but we hardly ever get together so I thought I'd mention it. One of them bought some Smirnoff and they were having a good old time with it I don't drink so I  just watched the events as they took place. They tell me, jokingly of course, that I'm a square. I'm not I just think people do stupid things when they drink and I'm choosing not to be apart of that.

I've been putting in applications left and right, most of them online, but hopefully I get a call back soon. I'll need money if I ever plan to get out of this suffocating city.

I went to Best Buy and bought Maroon 5's new CD, It Wont Be Soon Before Long and I have to admit that the first time I listened to it, I hated it. I usually know that I like a song within the first few lines, but with this CD I just wasn't feeling it. I am now happy to say that I listened to the whole thing a second time and I'm completely in love with this CD just as I was with the first one. Way to go guys!

 

....Very sexy picture!!

Speaking of a comeback band I was searching around on the web earlier and I came up on some more rumors of Matchbox Twenty getting back in the booth for a new album, I really hope its true and that it happens soon. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Just Stuff

Well I had work today everything went fine.

The more time I spend alone with myself the more I learn about myself....Just a random thought of mine.

There is this guy at my work his name is James, I've always noticed how cute he is, but today he smiled the most boyish and mischievous smile I've ever seen. His smile made me smile. He's tall with dark short hair. He's handsome he looks like he might be in his late twenties early thirties. Overall he's a Cutie and he definitely stands out.......I guess a smile is what stands out to me the most.

Sometimes I feel like there is not a solution. When I get overwhelmed with life's little problems I feel like, "this is it, welcome to the rest of my life accept it because it wont get any better." I'm not really sure how to cope with that feeling. Its almost like this life is a dead end. When ever it hits me my first thought is to run away to a new place, but I never leave. I wish for once that I could. I want so much the feeling of freeness and spontaneity.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Looking Back Down

Well my friend had her interview and long story short you have to have a car to really do this job because it requires traveling and I don't have one so I'm not even going to waste my time and theirs going on the interview.

Things are looking down again. I might have to actually work the shift with my boss. I really don't want to. She already has a preconceived notion of me.

We are finally going to the movies to see At World's End today. I hope nothing comes up I really really want something to smile about and Johnny Depp certainly makes a girl smile. : ) 

 .....He's so beautiful.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Things Might Be Looking Up

My job situation is not getting any better. I now have a shift with the boss. She purposely planned it. She has one and only one time to come at me the wrong way. I will quit on the spot.

On a much much brighter note I have a job interview Wednesday at a marketing company. I'm told that if it goes well the interview can last up to 2 and a half hours. So my fingers are crossed for that. The job pays 15 dollars an hour (way more than what I'm getting now) and no experience is necessary. Sounds like my kind of job. My friend, the one who is also job hunting, has an interview with them too. Hopefully we both get it.

If I get this job I'm leaving the hotel without notice. I just found out that another one of the workers is leaving too. Her reason is that she found a better paying job. So now I have the feeling that the boss is going to need all the workers she can get and when she needs them most no one is going to be there.

I really hope this interview goes well so I don't have to work another week at the place I'm at now. Cross your fingers for me.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Job Troubles

So I got in trouble with my boss and apparently my hours were cut because my customer service skills received bad reviews. She didn't say this was the reason to my hours being cut, but I know this is why. Her getting on my case for this obviously made me mad, but I said nothing I just listened. She was only going off of what she was told because I've never worked with her.

The main reason I'm mad about this is because she was talking to me like I don't do anything at that place. It made me feel like crap because I'm always on time, I never complain, when someone calls in I'm usually the one who takes over their shift and when someone slacks off on their part I'm the one who picks up the slack without complaint. So for her to come at me like that really made me mad. Especially since I know that I am never rude to anyone that comes into that place and I always speak to every guest.

So as of that phone call I am back in the job search world. I'm not going to quit until I actually have another job. When I do get another job I have the mind to stop showing up without notice. That's wrong and I know it, but I truly believe that, that situation could have been handled better. I could tell her how I feel but I know for a fact that my attitude would get the best of me.

My friend is having the same problems with her job and boss too. So we are job hunting together.

Friday we have plans to go to the movies to see Pirates 3. That was supposed to be my day off, but once again I'm covering someone else's shift.

On a happier note my mom told me that we might be relocating to another state. I'm so happy about that. I can wait to leave this behind. I hope it actually happens. I wouldn't mind moving to New York.

Monday, May 21, 2007

My Weekend

I went to see Shrek 3 on Friday. It was an okay movie. I like the fact that Justin Timberlake was apart of the cast. I think he did good.

I had to get up early on Saturday for work. I was tired my whole shift. On top of that my hours are still cut. If it happens a third week in a row then I'll ask about it.

I want a new job. I'm not sure I like the fact that the hours are different every single week. I want a set schedule. I'm back on the job search.

I also want to buy an exercise machine or go get another tattoo. The exercise machine would be for my legs and butt. The tattoo would probably be a re color of the one on my wrist. I'm not even sure they can do it. Its already pink I just want it to be changed to either blue or purple. Is it possible?

On Saturday I watched a movie called Mr. Holland's Opus, it was pretty good. The whole dedication ceremony at the end was very touching. I also watched Notes On a Scandal. I knew what it was about before hand, but even though I was expecting the events I was still very flabbergasted. Overall it was a good movie with great performances.

I dyed my hair on Sunday. Its Jet Black now. I've had it this color a few times before and I decided that it was time to go back to it.

My summer has already began and I can tell that the whole thing is going to suck. All my summers do. Me and my friends were talking about planning a road trip, but we've never talked about it with an actual attempt in doing it. So once again I'm in for another sucky summer. Even if I wanted to go on vacation I couldn't because as I said my work schedule always varies.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Its Friday

I had work yesterday. My coworker did something he's always wanted to do, he went out on a limb. In short, He was rejected. He's hurt and bitter about the whole thing, but who wouldn't be. He told me that he was going to give up on the whole thing. I told him that he shouldn't. He's really passionate about it and I truly think he would get far if he continued to work at it.

I met a guy yesterday. He approached me while I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my shift to start. His name is Cooper. I'm not at all in any way attracted to him. I was trying to let him know that I wasn't interested without being rude or impolite about it, but he just wasn't catching on.

I also saw Justin...still beautiful. I saw a little of his personality he seems cool, but I think I'm over him.

So far my favorite part in this movie is the part is where Scarlett Johansson takes off her head piece and Colin Firth peaks around the corner to see what she looks like without it. (Girl With a Pearl Earring)

 

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Nothing Much

I was listening to a song called Secret last night by Maroon 5 from their first album and there's a line in the song that goes, "I know I don't know you, but I want you so bad." That line in a small way relates to how I feel about one of the guys at work, whose name is unknown. The only difference is that I don't want him in the physical sexual way. I only want to know him. He's so...mysterious, its oddly intriguing.

I'm watching General Hospital, which is almost off and although I love their drama its a little frustrating how thing seem to never work out, but hey its a soap opera. Since I'm on the topic I want Jason to step up and claim his baby he deserves a little happiness. He sacrifices so much.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Random Stuff

So I had to work yesterday. It went okay...considering. I saw my supervisor she wasn't as annoying as she usually is. My hours were cut. I think it's because my boss might be under the impression that finals are this week instead of last week.

I also saw Justin--as I said I would--He's just as beautiful as ever. He gave me that winning smile. I recently discovered that he doesn't use that smile as often as I think he should. Oh well its his prerogative. Every time I see his smile it sends a rush of heat through my veins....Well maybe its not that dramatic, but you get the picture.

Another thing that happened at work was that the second most beautiful person walking planet earth walked into the hotel. I'll probably never see him again. Most people I see are from out of town. Seeing as how I work for a hotel I meet people from all over, then I never see them again.

I also went out on a limb and flirted with the bellhop guy for a good portion of the night. I didn't start it. I'm too reserved to initiate something of that nature, but I did participate once I knew what was going on. It'll probably never happen again. Its the story of my life, nothing ever goes the way I want.

On to different topics. My friend only has a couple of weeks left here in this city. She's leaving for a job. She'll be back before the end of the summer, but she also goes away for school so we hardly ever get to see her. Our goal is for the three of us to hang out as much as we can before her departure. Its hard because we all have conflicting schedules. So we'll see how is works out.

As far as wether or not people can change I'm going to take a risk and say that they cant and don't completely change. Once a cheater always a cheater. Once a rapist always a rapist...and so on. This might be my mind set until proven otherwise. (not intended to offend anyone in any way)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Monday

Well it's Monday. I hate Mondays, but since I don't have school I hate them a little less.

I have to work today. I think my supervisor is going to be there I really dislike her. I'm not sure why, but her presence's annoys the heck out of me.The good thing about me having to work today is that I get to see Justin.

There are movies with females in them who are forward in what they want and most times they succeed. I bring it up because at times I wish I was a little more forward. If I were a little more like that then I could tell him exactly what I wanted to do to him. I still don't know much about him. He could have kids and a fiancé for all I know.

For once in my life I want to be carefree and be able to let loose. I want to act on impulse. I know it will never happen. I always play it safe, unfortunately.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Stuff

Now that school is officially out I don't really have much to do, except work. I like it that way. As soon as my boss finds out that I got out earlier than the date I told her she's going to start scheduling me earlier and no one wants that. I most certainly do not.

I went to the movies last night with two friends. We saw Blades of Glory. I thought it was stupidly hilarious and I'm not at all ashamed to admit that Will Ferrell was looking a tad sexy in that film. I wouldn't mind seeing it again.

I'll be 20 in July. It seems so far away but it feels like it was just yesterday that I turned 19. The reason I bring it up is because I feel a little old. I feel like there are things in life that I should have accomplished. Honestly, I'm a little lost. I attend college without a clue as to what I want to do, but hey that's life...right?

Yesterday I was just sitting around thinking about if its capable for a person to change who they are by changing what they do. I came up with a few theories but I'm still a little unsure about it.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Random Thoughts

I got paid yesterday. I'm happy about that. It puts me one step closer to a car, but not close enough I'm afraid.

Today is my last day of school. I have one more final and I'm out. I just finished my philosophy final, which was easier than I expected it to be. I'm still a little shocked about it. I have an English final at one today. That one shouldn't be too hard.

There is this guy at my job who I swear is the most beautiful person that I've seen to ever walk this planet. His smile is...a thing of beauty. Its really something special. His name is Justin. Everyday I see him I fight the urge to tell him how beautiful I think he is. I don't really know him well enough to even begin to predict his response, so for now I'll keep it to myself.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

First Entry

As you can see this is my first entry, I'm not quite sure about what I should say. I'll start off by telling a little about myself.

My name is Jessica, I'm 19 and I was born and raised in Missouri. Yes, Missouri is as boring as it sounds. Not much really goes on here, its quite sad really.

I am college student. I'm not sure what I want to be but my fingers are crossed in hopes of figuring it out soon. I also work part time at a hotel, but more on that later.

My thing is music. I don't sing or play, but I do enjoy the work of those who do. My all time favorite band is Matchbox Twenty. I cant seem to get enough of them. I hope the rumors of them getting back together are true.