Sunday, December 28, 2008
I love these moments, as I cannot seem to forget them, nor do I wish to. Enjoy.
"Whats wrong?" He asked in a husky voice, his beer scented breath invaded my nostrils.
"What is it that you are waiting for, specifically?" He said circling his fingers around my clothed nipple...I leaned into his hand.
"For you to fuck me, from behind." He backed away from me.
"How badly do you want me?"
Minutes before we were upstairs in the bathroom of a friends apartment. I was sitting on the sink with my fingers laced in his hair. He was grinding into me with his tongue down my throat...we left the party early.
"Really bad." He sat on the edge of the bed.
"Come here." I stood in front of him. He wedged his knee between my legs and reached up to unbutton my jeans. "Not nearly as bad as I want you." He motioned to the growing bulge of his jeans as he pulled my pants off taking my panties with them.
His fingers easily slid into my swollen folds. "Maybe I was wrong." He pulled his suddenly wet fingers out of me...gently brushing over my clit and placed them on his tongue closing his lips around them. My shirt was next to go...then his.
"Whats wrong now?" He asked standing to move behind me. I heard him unzip his pants...I heard him tear the foil...I heard my breaths quicken.
"I hate waiting." He moved closer to my ear. I felt him smile.
"Then bend over."
He lunged into me...a most enjoyable pain.
I swallowed back a moan. He wrapped one arm around my body so his fingers could expertly dance over my clit. While his other hand held my face to his. He kissed me roughly biting my lips causing me to moan out at the mix of pleasure and pain.
He never stopped thrusting into me...touching and stroking every place on my body.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
New Years is next and of course I have to work, but I get off at nine thirty, so I still have ample time to get out and party...we will see. Im not big on partying
I have been really wanting to go to Angels Rockbar or any bar in the District but again...we will see. I really want to do body shots. I can honestly say that I have never done that before.
I have a bad habit of not answering my cell phone...or any phone for that matter, I'm more of a text-er, but I live with two people who are third ring pick uppers. The person I've been avoiding called the land line and found me thanks to the third ring pick upper. There was an awkward conversation I was not ready to have. Oh well whats done is done.
I feel as though I have to censor myself. I do not like feeling like that. I want to say what comes to my mind in its rawest form. Usually I do, depending on the company, but lately I've been sugar coating things...for everyone. As I have said I don't like it, but then again I am afraid that people cannot handle it the other way. Is that even my problem? How they handle it should not be on my short list of things to care about.
I have started my new book. I think I am on the third chapter...didn't get very far, life got in the way, but so far so good. It starts off rocky, but I'll stick with it. Who knows maybe it'll surprise me...nothing else ever does.
Before I end this post I'd like to say Happy 21st CMJ...bottoms up! You know what they say, start with straight shots...body shots.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
This post will be pretty random, but no surprise there.
I am capable of caring about a person one minute and completely writing them off the next not caring at all what happens to them...loathing their entire being with venom on my tongue...without thinking twice and I am whole-heartedly fine with it...I mean that more.
Yesterday I cared, today I dont and probably wont for a while.
I bought a new book called the host. I didn't read the back of it, but I figured since I liked the author how bad can it be....we will see. I also bought a book for my lovely cousin, she is an avid reader as well. I wish more people took joy in reading.
I have been delving into the world that is Mark Twain...so far so good.
The thing I like most about the holidays is the family time, because for the few hours we are all in the same house nothing else matters except food and laughter. All troubles are aside.
It is safe to say that people only know about me what I let them know. No one really knows, most times I don't even know. I bring it up because I was having a conversation where the person I was speaking to assumed where I stood on a certain topic....well, I have been there and I have done that...twice...in three states.
This is my first Christmas without my grandma.
I am the type of person who falls for written words...I suppose that is why I love reading and even writing every now and then. I am a lover of the written word. I embrace any escape offered by it. Speaking of, I have been spending an awful lot of time here in the blog world.
I am becoming infatuated with reading the minds of strangers.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Earlier today I was having a sit down with my sister and she is more like me than I realized, which is not a good thing...for her....it works for me.
As of late she has been showing the whats the point mentality and I don't like it.
Recently she put herself out there and it didn't go over too well and she vows never to do it again for fear of it happening again....because well, whats the point?
I don't want her to close herself off. She is becoming negative about relationships and things of the like. I don't want that for her. I want her to know life...love and the ups, downs and lessons it has to offer. She is but 18, too young to think such things.
Monday, December 22, 2008
"Excuse me, How much does a Polar Bear weigh?"
"I don't know, I give up."
"Just enough to break the ice..."
I didn't see it coming, nor have I heard it before, but it was funny.
Im not sure what it was, but I liked how I felt in that moment....Maybe it was his refreshing attitude. Im sure there is a lesson here.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Welcome to adulthood...sorry, no jackets.
I was thinking that I need a change. A physical/environmental one rather than mental. I believed I've done all the mental changing and maturing allowed on my own...I cant explain that any better, though I'm sure there is a lot of maturing to be had on my part. I'm young.
I'm learning that it doesn't pay to be negative.
I am 21 and I am sleep deprived. I cannot sleep on my own...as in without assistance. Dark circles are trying to make their mark. I have a few days off, I am determined to sleep. If I cannot I will be spending a few days away from home to a land where sleep is in fact, possible.
As CMJ mentioned, tis the season for reading. Reading is my absolute favourite. I, not only welcome, but love love love the temporary escape from reality. I went shopping yesterday in hopes of finding a seemingly good book to indulge in...no luck, but all is not lost. The search continues today after work, if I have time as my Sunday seems to be full...and to my dismay at no point do I get to see Joe. How I miss thee. Let me count the ways....later.
Monday, December 15, 2008
His fingers were dipping in and out of me. I was squirming in my seat. I had to have him. The ride to his house seemed like a drive across country. I didn't want to wait. I crawled over to him.
I kissed the corner of his mouth then his neck. He was trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road. I straddled him.
"I missed you more." I whispered in his ear. I felt his whole body stiffen under mine. He took one hand off the wheel and lifted the back of my shirt. His hand slid up and down my back before stopping at the nape of my neck. He kissed me...deep and long. It was a few minutes before I realized that we were pulled over.
"Promise..To...Show...Me." He managed to say between kisses.
I shook my head. Not wanting to break our kiss.
He pulled my face from his, "Tell me."
"I promise." He kissed me again.
"Jessica, you have to stop because I wont. Unless...
I got off of him...reluctantly.
After what seemed like hours we were parked outside of his apartment. As soon as the keys were out of the ignition he was out the truck. He extended his hand towards me. I inched over to him and put my hand in his as he led me in the door and to his room. Closing and locking it behind him. He stopped with his back against the door.
I walked towards him and rested my hand on his chest. He grabbed my hand and kissed my fingers....something he does when his mind is clouded and words are lost. We stood in silence...until he scooped me up and laid me on the bed.
He climbed on top of me and kissed me. One of his arms was supporting his weight while the other strategically removed my t-shirt.
He was teasing me. He would kiss me deep then let up. His free hand played across my body...rubbing, caressing...massaging. I moaned into his mouth. Somewhere in my frenzy he removed his clothes...good...I hate waiting for him. He was on top of me again this time positioning his self for entry...He was taking too long.
"David." I whined, cutting him off and pulling him to me.
He eased into me and stopped letting me adjust to him. He put his arm under me and pulled me closer to his body then he started moving...just how I like it...always how I like it.
He grunted when I started contracting around him. He pulled me to the edge of the bed and his head disappeared between my legs. He was attacking my clit, mercilessly all while holding me in place.
He is my drug.
He came up smiling and lead me to the chair. He sat down then I sat on him with my back facing him. He whispered,
"Wait for me." I nodded.
Sweaty, we came together.
"Don't come outside like that again." He tells me.
My heart was pounding out of pure excitement. Its been a while since I've been pressed against his frame. Soon, very soon. I pulled on a coat, slipped on some boots and ran out the door.
There he stood. Leaning his back against the truck. His face half hidden by his hair. I love his hair. I stopped to take in his appearance. I must have been standing in place for a while because he came to me and picked me up in a hug.
"I've missed you." He said putting me down.
He smelled like Silver, though I'm sure it was another scent entirely.
He looked me up and then down, "Where are your clothes?"
"I just got out of the shower. Why? I don't need them do I?" I was wearing a big t-shirt.
He pulled me to the passenger side of his truck and insisted I get in. I did, it was cold. He got in and took my face in his hands and kissed me soft at first then urgent with need. It wasnt cold anymore, It was suddenly very hot...but he turned the heat on anyway.
To be Continued...
Saturday, December 13, 2008
That reminds me of a song called Sex & Candy...or I Smell Sex & Candy something or the other. I know Matchbox Twenty did a cover of it, so did Nirvana....What I wouldn't give for a little sex and candy with Rob Thomas. Mm Mm Mm.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm usually at work on Saturdays.
I haven't seen my sister in a few days, which is not a bad thing. Im actually enjoying it.
Greys Anatomy was a re-run. Ugh! Speaking of Greys I heard T.R. Knight is planning on leaving the show because he is not getting enough air time. I'm not happy about this.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I am physically in love...a lover of the physical. I can describe it, hence it is. (For me)
He who loves the beautiful is called a lover because he partakes of it...with the implication that if those attractive habits change, so too does the relationship. Let it marinade.
I was thinking that most people who claim to be in love have a hard time putting in into words. That fact can be interpreted in one of two ways: Love cannot be examined or that something of that nature should not be examined because it just is...left beyond the minds reach as it were...beyond our intellectual capacity.
On the other hand when one presents the notion of being in love, conceptually speaking examination seems appropriate.
There is the chance that it is not complicated at all, maybe it shouldn't be held as high as it seems to be. There is a simple explanation for it all. Love is physical. It is nothing but a physical response to the one you're attracted. Physical motivation to the sexual impulse. It all comes down to self gratification whether one looks at it from the aesthetic view or the view of a geneticists.
If love is in fact physical then when a couple loses their sexual attraction to one another there is nothing left but obligations to that person if anything. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is the same even if you don't believe love to be physical.
Whats the saying? 'Love is like food, sex is like eating food.' The two are hand in hand. Maybe love is physical first then the rest adds on, but again without the physical you have nothing.
Just some thoughts.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I'm supposed to be going to the movies today to see Transporter 3. We will see if that happens. I'm not sure I feel like leaving the house, after all I do have school work I should be doing...then again I liked the other Transporter movies.
So I just heard news that in 2010 Johnny Depp is going to be playing the Mad Hatter in Alice In Wonderland....Perfect! Johnny Depp...So so fine. I can hardly wait.
Random Thought: I wonder if they still make VHS movies...Hmm.
I heard that the role of Tony in the 2009 Imaginariun of Dr. Parnassus would be played Heath Ledger and picking up where he left off would be Johnny Depp, Jude Law & Colin Farrell. Oo la la. That should be interesting. I hope it is not just a rumor. I am not opposed to the idea of having those men on one screen.
My friend and I made plans to go Christmas shopping this Saturday, which also happens to my my day off. It has been months since I've had a Saturday off. I'm excited, but no so much. I'll probably end up shopping for myself. Merry Christmas me.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I'm trying to get ahead in my assignments so as to not make the same mistake twice. There will be no repeats of the above. I am now headed toward the path of organization...Don't worry I'll be back one can only avoid the path of uncontrolled chaos for so long.
I hear snow is again in the forecast. That means cold gusty winds and dry skin. I know CMJ is looking forward to that.
It only feels like the holidays at work. At home it is just like the other months in the year. There is no Christmas tree here, no decorations, no Christmas lists for Santa...I like it this way. It is stress free. Every now and then someone...not me...will play a Christmas song, but that is pretty much the extent of the Christmas spirit around here.
My sister is on the swim team and she confessed to me that she hates it. I told her to quit she has no obligation there. She says, "That's what they want me to do." I laughed then then I thought... I don't understand her logic...if you don't like it don't do it. Plain and simple. On top of that its not doing any favors for her hair. Oh well.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
My friend keeps coming into town and I have yet to catch up with her. Oh well. I guess I'll see her summer break. Her twenty first birthday is coming up. I was excited, but then I realized that its really nothing special...nothing we haven't already done. I don't think drinking is really either of our thing, but I guess its good to have the law give the okay...just in case someone wants to get a little rowdy. What to get her...
Whats that about Vegas?
I am seriously slacking on my school work. It has been at least four days since I've even logged into the web site. I need to get on it. Ugh. Its funny really. I find time to blog, but yet I cant seem to get my work done. Priorities.
A few days ago I finished the Twilight series. It was good. I'm sad it had to end. Its back to reality I guess. I am now on the lookout for a new book to deprive me of sleep..food..water...and fresh air.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
This happened the day after his back brace came off, which was on for about two or three months.
"Lets wait a week." I knew he wouldn't go for it.
I was worried about his back. I knew for a fact that he was not ready for the sex he had in mind.
"Let me do the work. I dont want you to hurt yourself."
Pushing him back on the bed, I climbed on top of him. We were face to face. I could see the urgency in his eyes...I could also see that he was not going to let me control. There would be no teasing this night. I leaned down to kiss him. He growled at the contact and flipped us over. Within two seconds I was on the bottom and his mouth was heavy on my own, brusing my lips.
He slipped his hand around my waist and eased into me...slow and shallow...minutes later I came, biting down on his lip. It never takes much for my release...not to mention the level of arousal was increased by the wait.
He smiled and said, "Still want to wait?"
He pulled me to the edge of the bed and...thrusting slowly...he looked down with a lazy smile, "I have three ideas. Don't move."
He dropped to his knees.
His tongue started working rapidly over my clit. He wouldn't let up despite my tortured moans. He held my hips keeping me in his reach causing me to shuddered uncontrollably.
"Kiss me." I did. There are very few things I deny that man sexually. He was moving inside of me again, only this time with more need than before. We moved from the bed to the chair...from the chair to the desk.
Sitting in the chair in front of me he says, "That makes four." He put my hands on either of his shoulders and my feet on the arms of the chair. "Stay just like this." Once again his mouth was glued to my clit. His tongue was working circles while his teeth were biting me...all slow. It was the perfect balance of pleasure and pain...I was no longer in my right mind. I never knew pleasure like this. I started trembling he tightened his grip on me, but didn't stop.
His plan, it seemed was to kill me. I would die of too many orgasms...Orgasm overdose. Just as number five was completely taking over all of my senses, he winced...I was digging my nails into him. To avoid doing that a second time...I started to move my hands...Only to have them placed back on his shoulders, "Just like this."
I begged him to stop. It was too much. I was almost sure that I would die. He didn't stop. Instead he carried me back to the bed and fucked me. He fucked me like it was our last night alive...like he would never see me again...like his life depended on it...he fucked me.
Six/Two. He collapsed and moved to my side.
Breathless he speaks, "Are you ready to hear my three ideas?"
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I really really hate school. Its better than having to go on campus, but there is so much to keep up with and on top of that my printer is broken, which means there is zero organization. I'm almost positive that I'm going to accidentally miss a few deadlines. Ugh.
I finally got a new Mp3 player.
I love cold weather. I cant get enough of it. I especially like it when it snows. It snowed here a few days ago, then it melted.
I really hate my hair. I'm always wrestling with it. I'm this close to cutting it all off. It makes me angry.
Monday, December 1, 2008
I'm spiraling into a bottomless pit of anger. I think the 'true' meaning of Christmas has been forgotten by the majority. Today's meaning of Christmas is selfish its about gifts. People treat it like one big birthday party, but that's not where the anger comes from...in all honesty I couldnt care less, Im just saying.
As for the anger...that comes naturally, like breathing.
I'm on the fourth book in the Twilight series. I'm sad its almost over. I'm trying to make it last. I've never spent so much time on one book, unless it was school related...then I probably wouldn't have opened it...priorities!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I've read books one and two. I'm in the middle of book three in the Twilight series. Theres only one left. I'm sad, I don't want it to end. I heard that book five was leaked onto the Internet and that the author was thinking of not having it published...I hope its just a rumor.
I guess I'll have to find a new series to completely emerge myself in.
While were on the topic I finally went to see the movie. It doesn't even measure up to the book...not at all. There were quite a few things left out. Everything happened too fast. On a lighter note Rob was sexy. I hear that they are going to make the sequel movie New Moon...we'll see how that turns out. That could be a rumor as well.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Shes stable now, but still asleep.
Things like this make me question faith, naturally. I do not want my grandma to suffer, but at the same time I don't want her to leave our family. Without her what do we have? Why does it have to be now, during the holidays? I'm afraid that I will forever relate this season to something horrible.
Another thing I don't understand is how something so horrible can happen to someone so good. Its infuriating. We watched every stage of this disease take her away from us one day at a time. We watched her struggle to connect with those around her and there was nothing NOTHING we could do about it.
Last night, or this morning rather we, as a family decided to sign a DNR form. We figured that it was in her best interest and as my uncle puts it, "If the Lord is calling for her, let her go." I don't want to let her go, but as I said I don't want to keep her here if she is suffering. She doesn't deserve that. Why her?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I'll have to go to Borders for it. I really hope they have it, I hate not knowing what happens. First thing tomorrow I'm going to the bookstore. Do not pass go do not collect $200!
I just got off work. I'm tired, but I cant sleep. I hate it when that happens and it happens a lot. Yay me.
So today at work I found out, along with the other employees working tonight, that two of our managers have a little something something going on. They both practically yelled out in the employee meeting. They were beet red the entire meeting it was awkwardly funny. Im pretty sure we all knew it though.
I'm listening to Matchbox Twenty's live USB concert thing and I though it'd be better...I was wrong. Its good don't get me wrong, but...I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm tired.
I want to go to a stand up comedy show. Not many of those come through this hole in the wall city, not the bigger names at least. I was surprised when MB20 decided to come through...easily the best night of my life. I hope they come back.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Today is the day that I have been waiting for...today is the day that Twilight hits theaters...today is also the day that, that same movie is sold out damn near everywhere...I'm not surprised as I figured that would happen.
I though I'd be more upset by this reality, but I'm not seeing as how I own the book and can read it whenever I feel an Edward Cullen withdrawal attack coming on...its a very real condition not to be taken lightly...I'm thinking of seeing the movie at least twice or maybe three times next week when I'm off.
While we are on the topic of Edward Cullen AKA Rob Pattinson, after watching several YouTube videos, I'd like to point out that he kind of channels Johnny Depp...there is a certain shyness about them that they both share its crazy.
It has been said that Rob has sex hair, which I agree to be true. That man truly looks like he has had some serious shag sessions. He pulls off the shag look well, its very sexy. Not many men can do that.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Lately I've been hearing and seeing lots of hype about the book and movie Twilight. So much hype that I was starting to feel like I was the only one not familiar. Apparently it is a really good book.
So good in fact, the movie that hits theaters Friday is already sold out in various places. Because of this hype I read the reviews and a few spoilers then I went out earlier today and bought the book. I am the first to say that I'm not one of those people who are easily amused, but my goodness....this book is highly entertaining. I cannot put it down, though I did to write this and this post will probably be short. I don't want to waste reading time and there is that nagging fear that the book with burst into flames before I get to the end.
The last time I was excited about a book was Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice, which is currently at the top of my short list of few.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
My friends seem to think I'm most like Paul Rudd's character in the fact that he is a realist miserable in life. I'll agree that describes me. I don't find motivation in anything on top of that I don't entertain things that are not probable. I'm not into ideals. I'm more of a person who takes things as they are or appear to be. I'm straight forward not one to sugar coat.
I wish I was off today, but no not me I have to work everyday of every weekend. It fucking sucks on top of that I'm really starting to loath my job entirely. I mean I already hate it. I don't like the managers, one in particular. Like I said before I need a new job.
In other news...literaly...snow is in the forecast. Perfect metaphor for life.
You lose some then you lose some more.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I have late hours this whole week. Meaning I dont get home until about 1am. I hate that I have to work late. I much rather work days and have my nights to myself...only in a perfect world. I should probably start looking for another job. I'll soon go crazy at the place Im at.
I was thinking about why I wanted to move out of Kansas City and I added it up to everything being so routine. I have the same days off, I've been at the same job for a while, seeing the same people where the same things happen. Then I come home to the same two people who always argure about the same things.
Im sick of 'same' Im ready for new and different.
I was on the phone with my friend (ENW) last night she just got back from Branson, Missouri and was telling me about her trip. Then she goes on to say,
"Next year you should come with us." I say,
"No, Im not interested in Branson."
"Jess! You never want to do anything."
"Yes I do, just not Branson."
"No you dont everytime I ask you to go somewhere you dont want to do it. You dont want to do anything. Youre bored with everything."
I guess my not being motivated has stretched futher than I thought it did. Im not surprised. Plus she is a lot of talk not much walk so instead of enabling I just say no. On top of that if im not interested then I wont do it. Plain and simple. I will admit that Im a junkie for last minute spontaneous trips. If someone called me right now and told me they were going on a road trip, I'd pack my things in a heartbeat and wait at the door.
Once when ENW and I were out eating it was about two in the morning and I forget where we were before that, but out of nowhere she says lets drive up to NWMSU. (We have a friend up there.) I was all for it, but then I realized who I was talking to. She doesnt do spontaneous. She was just talking shit...as usual.
Heres what she likes to do:
-Lets go drive up to NWMSU after this!
-We both have a few days off and I have a full tank.
-You just got paid and I have some money.
-We havent seen CMJ in a long time.
So far so good...It continues.
-Im kind of tired, I hope I dont fall asleep at the wheel.
-I'll buy a monster. I should be fine, plus you'll be in the car too.
-I hope theres enough room in her dorm for us.
-Wait is he bf visiting? I dont want to go up there if her bf is there?
-Call her and see.
-So he's not up there? Oh.
-What about her roommate, is she cool with it? (yes her bf is visiting though)
-Oh. Thats going to be too many people in that dorm room. (Its a dorm suit...plenty of room)
-I dont want to see her roommate's bf, plus Im kind of tired anyway maybe we can go next week.
-Or we can just wait until the next time she comes down.
As much as I love that girl I believe people shouldnt say things unless they mean it. I knew almost immeadiately after she said the first thing, that she didnt really want to go. Im not blaming her for not wanting to do something, shit I really dont care what she does...I just prefer people say what they mean and mean what they say. Plain and simple.
Im past the point in my life where talking about things is fun. Im older than that talk wont do for me anymore. I need actual walk. We're grown around here. Its time we start acting it. Make believe is for children.
So I guess todays lesson is mean what you say....Is that too much to ask??
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I don't mind that he found it or that he wants to post from it, I'm just wondering how he found it, its not like it gets lots of traffic or anything. I'll have to ask him.
Oh well...I've invited him to post. It should be fun. Months ago we shared a blog on MySpace, but we've since deleted it...I forget why.
Things are about to get interesting...
Another good thing about this is now I have more of a chance of moving out of Missouri to somewhere totally different...'where no one knows my name'...kind of like the song. I've been sick of Kansas City since my senior year in high school. Its time to move on. I'm so ready for it. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't miss anything about this city, except for maybe my family and the barbeque sauce. We have good sauce here in Kansas City, Its one of the things this city is known for...in case you were wondering. We're also known for having the SUCKIEST football team in the NFL. (Chiefs)
If I were to leave I think I would do it without telling anyone.
I really need to go shopping. I need new jeans. I love jeans, but it is so hard to find a pair that fits me proper. I'm 5'11 and I weigh 130. There are not many places that sell jeans I can fit into. I've been buying my jeans from Buckle since I was 15. Every time I go I spend at least $100 on a single pair. Its time I made a visit.
I have this friend, whom I've never met in person. We live in the same city, same county even, but still I've never actually met him in person. We've known each other for about three years. We talk on the phone rarely, but we text all the time. We have a mutual friend which is how he got my number. He first seen me on MySpace and asked my permission to use my number and every since then we've been friends. We're like pen pals. Its crazy.
Yesterday I went to the movies. I saw Zach & Miri Make A Porno. It was hilarious! I don think I've ever laughed that much in a theater. If you haven't seen it and you like movies like American Pie, Knocked up & Superbad...You'd love Zach and Miri.
Also yesterday I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting for oh so long. Its on the back of my neck. I love tattoos, I think they are sexy. Did I mention David and Rob both have sleeves?....
Yes We Can!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I possess a deep appreciation for writers. So much so that I decided to try my own hand at it. I'm no Jane Austen, but I can be really good when I try and that I did...then I took one day off. That day turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months...and now I've lost my drafts.
You're probably wondering how that makes me a big loser. I'll tell you. I wanted so much to be committed and passionate about something, but I failed. That, my friends, makes me a big loser. On to the next thing...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Out of pure boredom, I've decided to answer the ten questions James Lipton asks every guest on the show called Inside The Actors Studio. I'm sure you all know of it...I've always thought they were interesting questions and since Mr. Lipton is not likely to ask me himself...here I go...
1. What is your favorite word?
Flabbergasted, it almost sounds made up.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Booty, it sounds disgusting.
3. What turns you on?
Curiosity and Confidence.
4. What turns you off?
Ignorance and Arrogance.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. Plain and simple. There are no other 'real' contenders and it works in various situations.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Crying babies and Car Alarms. It makes me crazy.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I wouldn't mind being a Psychiatrist. I think I would rather enjoy it.
9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
A Surgeon of any kind, I don't think I could handle that kind of pressure.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Just the person I wanted to see! Come on in!"
Monday, November 3, 2008
I'm currently addicted to the song Angels On The Moon by Thriving Ivory. Even though his voice kind of freaks me out. Its so different from his speaking voice. Its crazy...I love it. The lyrics are so good. I'm ALL about lyrics.
I start school November 17. I'm kind of excited, which will soon wear thin I'm sure.
Interesting story. Well not really interesting, but a story nonetheless. I was talking to some bloke...whom of which I haven't known for that long. We're new acquaintances if you will. Anyway he says to me,
"You know for someone as sexy as you are, you sure have a real bad attitude."
I don't deny it, but my problem with the situation is the fact that I haven't yet introduced him to my 'bad attitude.' It was frustrating. I hardly know him. Oh well.
I spoke to Rob today. Rob is David's roommate. I miss seeing the both of them. It was good times when they were around. I bring it up because right after David and I broke it off Rob sends me a text saying:
-Just so you know sweetheart, I want you. I want to tongue fuck you until you come in my mouth.-
Sounds nice huh? Yes. I didn't reply back. I would never. I didn't take it too seriously. Rob loves his ladies and he doesnt hide that bit. Interesting fact about him: He writes erotic poetry and surprisingly he's good at it. He has a profile on Literotica.
Ah yes...the conversation with Rob. We did the usual small talk, but immediately after he brings up the time he walked in on David and I doing the deed. He didn't really walk in. He was let in. I'll tell the story.
David and I rushed into his apartment and straight to his room because the situation was urgent. As soon as we got in we closed the door and started ripping off our clothes, which didn't take long. Once the clothes were away we slowed the tempo a bit he laid me on his bed and teased me with his fingers and tongue. (He drives me absolutely insane) Theres only so much of that I can take before actual penetration is needed. He took pleasure in sending me over the edge.
Finally he leans over me and inserts the head of his penis, slowly filling me completely. I wrapped my legs around him, he picked me up and walked me over to the wall next to the door and started thrusting. He pulled all the way out to the tip and pushed back in with a slow force. His lips were resting on my own. I could feel him smile. He knew I craved him. We were in our own world of perfect pleasure when all of a sudden...
Rob knocks on the door. "Dave is the iron in there?" As if that wasn't enough David answers back, "Its on the desk." Not only does he answer back he reaches over and opens the door giving a head motion towards the desk.
David wasn't phased by it at all, for his pace never changed. I'm still flabbergasted to this day.
Rob brings it up as often as he can. He's such an arse. He loves to annoy me, but that's okay I've seen him in action as well...now theres a story to tell.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I've really been craving a tattoo. My last tattoo was done in Feb. as well. Its about time for another one. In case anyone is wondering the rumors about them being addictive are true, but I love every minute of it.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I paid all my bills off this morning. It feels good not having that in the back of my mind, but shit do I hate it. As the saying goes, "When did we grow up? and How do we make it stop?"
Im moving out in November. Im excited, but I need to get a car before then. It shouldnt be too hard as I've been saving for one. I dont have one now because Im a horrible HORRIBLE driver. I've already totaled one car about three years ago after that I just stopped driving. I guess its time to hop back on the horse. Its like riding a bike right? Or was that the saying for sex?? One can never remember.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I'm twenty one and my life is just as it was when I was twelve. NOTHING has changed.
I'm ashamed of my reality and I don't really want to type it. To add to it, it doesn't look like it is going to get any better.
People say that I should be positive. Why? It doesn't change anything...ever. Some would say the same about being negative, but at least I wont be lying to myself.
My life sucks so bad.
I want to move away from here. Chicago sounds good. I hear that there are cabs everywhere. I could transfer schools....
On top of it all. I think I might need anger management, but hey stay positive right.
Until Next Time...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I have to go to work tomorrow. I hate my job it sucks so bad. On top of that they keep hiring new people. I don't have a problem with this its just that I don't want my hours being cut because of it. I'm moving out soon and I need all the hours I can get.
Speaking of moving out I should be excited, but I'm not. I'm not sure why either. Maybe its because I know something will go wrong. It always does. I'm expecting the worse that way I wont get let down when everything goes south. More than likely it will.
I kind of like this new blog home.
Until Next Time...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Thanks to AOL I've been on the search for a new blog home.
One site was way too complicated for absolutely no reason. Another one marked my blog as spam.
Oh well. I guess I'll blog here until...the end.
My blogging days are numbered.
It's been raining. I love the rain. Its revealing.
My job gets suckier by the day. They are making all the employees go through GREAT training. I don't even know what it stands for. On top of that it has to be on one of our days off. I think its paid so that makes it better, but the idea of it pisses me off.
Ugh. I hate everything.
I need a way out.
Until Next Time...If not...
Its Been Real.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I'm sure people are sick and tired of today's youth complaining. Well its today Im young and surprise surprise I'm complaining. Lets get to it then.
I hate my job and life sucks.
Nothing ever changes, save for the weather.
Happiness eludes us, and what few moments of pleasure we get only show us how empty and meaningless the rest of our existence truly is.
My weed smoking friend tells me and I quote, "I have to stop smoking for three weeks so I can pass the test for a job I want." Honestly I hope she doesn't pass. Maybe then she'll smarten up, but then again I'm reminded of who I'm talking about and for her smartening up is not likely. I'm starting to loath her entire being.
Until Next Time...Although I'm not sure there will be a next time seeing as how the blogs will soon be demolished. (Thanks AOL) So if not..
Its been real...
Monday, September 15, 2008
I was off today. I didn't do much of anything. I didn't really want to do anything either. All I've felt like doing lately is sleeping. I'm not sure what it is but I'm just tired.
I lost more weight. I wasn't trying to, though Im not complaining. Ive been meeting lots of new people it seems. I guess that's a good thing.
This is my favorite time of the year.
I met a guy and he has a child. He's asked me out on several different occasions. He's cool and everything, but he is so fucking emotional. More so than the 'average' male. It drives me insane. On top of that I can barely understand him. For some reason he thinks its cute to slur his words and mumble. Go figure.
Lets be blunt. I have this friend who is pissing me off. I'm not sure how much longer we are going to continue to be 'friends.' This person engages in activities that I do not want anything to do with. We are supposed to mature as we get older this chick didn't get the memo. We had plans to move in together, but I will not live with that. Fuck it.
Lets do this again soon, Yea?
Until Next Time...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Whenever I decide to sit down and blog nothing comes out. I'm just going to dive in.
I've been talking to a thirty something year old man. Yea, moving on.
I watched the VMAs Sunday. It wasn't as good as it was last year. I like the fact that Russell Brand was the host. I'm pretty fond of that man. He did well.
While we're on the topic, I think people should stop being so dramatic about the whole promise ring thing. It was all for the sake of comedy. He's a comedian and that's what comedians do. Get over it. It was immature for Jordin Sparks to say what she said. She's stupid for taking it personally and so is anyone else making a big deal out of nothing.
They cut hours at work. Nothing new there, for it happens every other week. Someone needs to get it together.
My sister is 18 now. She's happy because she's no longer jail bait. We took her to a strip club the weekend of her birthday. She didn't like it because for one there were no male strippers. On top of that we all pitched in to buy her a lap dance. She freaked out.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Here I am once again. Where to start....
In case you were wondering life still sucks. Work is as expected boring and dumb. There are at least ten new people. I've seen about five in passing and met two.
School is Uggh and expensive. I paid out of pocket this semester. Something went wrong with financial aid. They said its been happening with a lot of students and should be fixed soon. Whatever.
Keeping it short.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
This is my current favorite song.
I haven't been by in a while, but I'm here now.
There's nothing special going on...never is. I'm twenty one now and so far nothing has changed other than the fact that I can now buy alcohol and go to clubs and casinos. Now that I can its nothing to rave about.
School starts in about a week and I'm nowhere near ready for it. I don't have any of my books. Ugghh!!! I wish I didn't have to go.
I've nothing left to say so until next time....
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
It seems that I've been by these parts often as of late. Maybe I'm troubled.
I'm not sure what to say so I guess I'll just start by saying that I was off today. Yay. I didn't do much, just went to a movie with some friends. We went to see the new Adam Sandler movie. Adam looked good...enough said.
I believe that I'm off tomorrow as well. I'm a little happy about that. I just so happen to have a few ideas as to what I would like to do. I'd share with the world but its a little x-rated...jk.
I was thinking of dying my hair again...surprise surprise. I wont do it, although I probably should my hair is a crazy color right now.
Today I couldn't help but notice how familiar everything is. All the things, people and places surrounding me are things that I know all too well. Its time for a change not like its ever going to happen, but I can say it.
Lately all I've been hearing is silence...metaphorically. I could be sitting in a room full of people, sounds and all things of the like, but not here a thing. I cant really say why that is. I haven't really been wanting to do anything. I haven't really the desire to either. The only thing I want to do is get the heck out of here and never look back.
I need direction I'm caving in and I don't feel it. I'd say that Im comfortably numb, but how would that sound? Not like I care either way because in the end none of it matters.
I'm aggravated for no good reason...straight out from underneath. When it comes to pass all the good slips away. Forget the lights things look dirty when they're on.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
This nothing is so normal. I know exactly how this works. I need a new feel.
I was thinking about The Libertine, as I randomly do throughout the day, and I came to the conclusion that maybe he lived life the way he did because in the end none of it matters. We live to die.
Its more like we live cry, loose, smile occasionally hurt, agonize, strain, suffer and then we die.
Oh well, its not like it matters.
Monday, June 9, 2008
I cant sleep. I havent tried. Im drinking Heavy Metal. So what.
I drank tonight. I dont even like drinking. Its just not my thing. People do stupid things when they drink. Im not all the way sober, but if I keep typing you'll soon know the extent of my intoxication.
Life fucking sucks. Bad things happen to good people. Theres no such thing as fair. If youre happy something will ruin it for you. There no such thing as positive because everything that happens is pretty much the opposite. When good things do happen, if by some trip of the universe youre that lucky person, then something bad will soon follow. Everything comes with a price including happiness. I dont even think happiness exists. Its just something that keeps you smiling for a while then next thing you know youre down again. Its temporary just like life. Fuck it.
Im not a happy person. Im not sure why, its just the way it is. I dont look for happiness either. Shame on me huh? I figure why waste the time when ultimately youre going to let down. I've accepted that reality years ago.
Why the fuck are we here? I dont get it. I dont get why we have to go all out to go to school get a job have a family and all that shit just to die. It all just seems so pointless. I could do without the spaces in between, if you could tell me now what it means to be.
I shouldnt drink Im more depressing when I do.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Its pretty late or extremely early depending on how you look at it and surprise surprise I cant sleep, although I probably didn't give it a fair try.
Now that I think about it my restlessnees might be due to the Chai Hai Monster I drank earlier. In any event I thought I'd ramble a bit so here goes...
Work was long and uneventful. I had a headache for the last hour or two of my shift. On the upside, if such things exist, I have tomorrow off.
I think its funny how people try to tell you what's good for you as if they know, then make decisions with 'your best interest' in mind. Oh well. I guess you cant penalize a person for 'trying to help' right?
I know this guy and I swear he's my favorite person, we are completely opposite and exactly the same he's like my soulmate....we're talking about spontaneity slash acting on impulse and somehow we got to talking about The Libertine and how he, in the movie, lived his life on impulse.
I haven't really thought it out so don't hold anything against me, but I'm not sure that it relates because the character arguably despised life and everything about it, but if those two were to relate does impulse and hating life coexist as well? Of course not, but I've still more thinking to do on the topic.
On a larger scale if acting on impulse feels right and said act is legal and doesnt involve me in anyway whatsoever then go for it...within reason of course.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Out of all my years living I've decided that I like the part of life where the spaces are big, the moments are quiet and the sky is dark. I cant really explain it.
I've learned that one life just aint enough. Shame on the things that I'd be if you could complicate me.
What purpose does human emotion serve? I mean we can react to things all day long, but in the end it changes nothing, making them ultimately pointless to have i.e. the appendix or spleen.
Would being actually be being if emotion didn't exist? I guess were better off with them, not like I'll ever know otherwise.
There's way more to be said here. Like the role emotions play on mentality, but I rather not get into it. You understand right?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Im starving. I feel like I haven't eaten in days. The crazy thing about it is the fact that I've eaten more today than I have in the past two or three weeks....go figure.
I have tomorrow off. Yay. Its my first day off all week so far. What to do....What to do...I'll probably just swim. My brother from another mother has been wanting to go for the longest.
Work has been going well lately. Surprise surprise. I guess it's not as bad as I make it sound its just something I'd rather not do, Im sure Im not alone on that. Having a job is something most people want/need but few look forward to.
I was talking to some guy about communication between people in relationships, how it came about I'll never know, but he doesn't think that its at all possible to give oneself completely. I agree. I dont believe it can happen. Those who claim to have given completely would probably call co-dependency on the matter, but lets not get into semantics its like monopoly, it never ends.
That reminds me of a song my mom used to sing when I was little. Its called Fairy Tales by Anita Baker. It goes a little something like this:
"I can remember stories, those things my mother said
She told me fairy tales, before I went to bed
She spoke of happy endings, then tucked me in real tight
She turned my night light on, and kissed my face good night
My mind would fill with visions, of perfect paradise
She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice
He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night
I'd be so happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
She never said that maybe, someday he'd say goodbye."
Its a good song.
Im rambling. Its time I take my leave.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
So I hear that we go through hell to get to heaven. I call bullshit on the last part. We go through hell then we die and that's the end of it. Heaven is imaginary.
Heaven was made up to give people something to look forward to as we walk through the hell God hath forced upon us.
Something I've been thinking about lately is happiness. Not happiness alone happiness in life, which I conclude to be an oxymoron.
Maybe I should change the way I think. Maybe I should be a little more optimistic......you know start with the 'Man In The Mirror.'
To be optimistic I guess I have to believe that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything wrong is right. To me it sounds like anyone who thinks this way is a person without experience.
I think I'll pass on the optimism. Who knows maybe its me who is completely naive about it all, but I doubt it....prove me wrong.
My resolution was to be positive, I haven't been sticking to that in so many ways. I feel that being positive is to be mistaken about...everything.
If more people viewed life as it really is; a big let down, then people wouldn't be so surprised when they get screwed over. Disappointment is the only thing guaranteed in life. You don't have to work for it, it finds you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
So for no particular reason lets start this off by saying life sucks. Life---A strange, inconvenient, and unpopular place where people bring you things you do not want or like. Okay moving on.
So its said that New Aged thinking suggests or insists that obstacles and difficulties that befall us during our lives are in reality no more than opportunities in disguise.....Lets let it linger a bit, eh?
My mom thinks we should start going to church again. I havent been to church in years. I dont like church, its long and boring. I mean all it really is, is a building erected for ecclesiastical fundraising.....There is much more to be said here but I dont think the world is ready for my cynical rants because after all faith is the tactical avoidance of the truth and all that is probable.
I was thinking about life because thats what I do and while in my thoughts the word longevity popped up. Then I got to thinking of the definition of the word and its use. Longevity is used to denote the length or duration of the life of an animal or plant, often used to indicate an unusually long life....Who is responsible for that word? Longevity, its just an extension for the fear of death.
Until Next Time...Jessica.
Monday, May 12, 2008
I have to go to work in a few hours. No big surprise there. Ive been working everyday for the past few weeks. I think I have a day off tomorrow. Im not sure though, so I wont get excited about it.
I planned on taking summer classes, but I dont want to so I probably wont. I'll just wait until fall.
Until Next Time...Jessica.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Umm...Where to start.....Oh.
I'm off for five days in a row. Its good because I don't have to get up at various hours its bad because I don't get paid if I don't work, but its cool.
I bought this CD a few months ago and I never really gave it a fair chance. I'm still not. Its a little too death metal-ish. Its just too loud. Its starts off slow then on comes a boom that sounds a little like you're dying.
There's nothing new in my life. So yes, it still suck, but I thought I'd blog about it.
I bought the Sweeney Todd movie. I think my sister watches it more than I do, which, by the way has to stop. I'm not too fond of her. The older she gets the more I loath her entire being. Not just her though, most everyone in my life.
Lets let the topic today be liars. I know this person whom I swear is missing chunk out of their brain. She just lies about everything...okay well maybe not everything, but it sounds more extreme. I just don't get it.
Its not so much what she lied about I couldn't care less about that issue, but it just the fact that she felt she had to lie. When I told her how I felt she said this and I quote, "Okay I might sound crazy don't hold it against me. I did it because I want what you have. A nice guy to spend time with. And the way you talk about it. It seems like I could never have that. So I thought if I told you that ***** you would change your mind about him, but you didn't. That's why I lied"
Then she goes on with the apologies. When she sent that to me via text message that to me I couldn't help, but feel like she saying she lied because of me. So that upset me a little, but whatever fuck it.
What else is new??......Ummm
I went to see 21. That man, the leading one, is SEXY. I wouldn't mind seeing that movie again. It was good.
That's it, it seems.
Until Next Time...Jessica.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
So I'm watching American Idol and my guy Michael Johns just sang and it didn't go so well.
There was the song then the way he did it and on top of that there was Paula and the whole ear piece speech only to end with him saying that he was not wearing them. It was a little embarrassing, but I'm still rooting for him and David Cook. Love those guys!
Something is wrong with Paula not because of the speech, but because I believe something isn't right with her.
On to other things. I think Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell are sexy. Yes sexy.
I cant wait until I'm 21. Not like there are going to be any drastic changes in my life, other than the privileges given me by laws or whatever.
The girls this season are boring!! Especially the blondes. All of them.
I want to go out. I think I'll take a mini adventure to the mailbox. I'm sure that would be filled with excitement. Maybe I'll se a fight or something along the way. (Never Back Down is still playing in my mind)
I'm just rambling so I'm going to leave you here before it gets too out of control.
Until Next Time...Jessica.
I haven't written in a while. I haven't had anything to say really and I still don't, but hey I figured once I start maybe it will come flowing out. So here goes...
I've been working a lot more lately, emphasis on the a lot. I'm starting to dare I say it?...like working the night shifts. Its not as busy. Not as many customers or customer calls no store to store business just recovery. Plus some of the other workers are pretty cool.
As my way of thanking the managers for giving me Matchbox Twenty day off I filled in some schedule gaps, which made my life hellish, but I'm still breathing.
I decided a day ago that I wont be filling in anymore. Two of the managers got on me about a few things and might I add that both occasions were pretty damn stupid and not my fault. It pissed me off nonetheless.
What else is going on in my sucky life???...
Oh! I went to see Horton Hears A Who and Never Back Down. Let me just say that the Jim Carrey movie was good I liked it right, but Never Back Down was...off the chains. Not better than Fight Club, but good. All the biceps and abs just heightened the cinematic experience.
I've been loosing weight. Not the regular pound or two here and there. Its been like five and six pounds. I can only say that's its due to us not having any food of substance in the house, working crazy hours and exercising. I'm liking it. My mom isn't too fond of my new found weight. Actually I didn't really notice it she did. Oh well.
I have two days off in a row. I'm going to kick back and relax. Nothing too fancy just good old fashioned laziness. Maybe I'll come back to blog within the off days. I highly doubt it but never say never, right?
Until Next Time...Jessica.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I still cant seem to get over the fact that I had floor seats to Matchbox Twenty!!
Like I said before everything after is just pointless. I hope to see Rob live again soon.
I went to see The Other Boleyn Girl. It was a good movie. It kind of made me angry. I started pacing. Eric Bana is a beautiful man.
I have two days off in a row. What to do...what to do. I think I'll work out a few times and sleep. You can never get enough sleep I'm told. I might burn some music as well.
I know this person who is just not that bright. I really hate to say that about people, but dang.
Speaking of that I hate when something happens to a person and all they do is talk about it all...the...time. Then they want to know what you think about it and why. It bugs the fuck out of me.
GET OVER IT!...or even when you mention something in passing and it becomes a game of twenty questions.
I hate it extra when I don't give two shits which is twenty hours out of the day the other four I'm sleep so whatever.
Until Next Time....Jessica.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The concert was last night. It was great The guys put on a good show. The only bad thing about it was that I didn't get better before hand. I actually felt worse, to the point of me not being able to sing because it hurt so bad.
I did enjoy the concert, but not to my fullest ability. I'm still a little ill. My chest hurts so bad. I feel like I'm dying...at least I got my dying wish to see Rob live. Everything after is just details...small talk...not important.
It hurts to type.
Until Next Time....Jessica.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tonight is the night I get to see Rob Thomas live!!!!! I thought this day would never come, but its here and I couldn't be happier.
The only bad thing is that I have a chest cold or something. I'm hot and cold at the same time, but I refuse to let this bring me down. I've been taking all the proper precautions to get myself better. So I might be fine later on.
I'm so excited. I'll give the full report ASAP.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Today I realized how much my life sucks. Its makes me wonder why. Why school why work why everything.
I try to do things right or as I should, every now and then I get off track, I mean we all do, but this time I feel as if I cant even see the track. Where is it? I don't know how to get it back to good or even a little more than bareable.
I was talking to a friend and he says that that's how is life is and that you bend before your break...or something or the other. Whatever he meant it made since for a few hours...then life got worse. Imagine that.
I want to scream...loudly, but in the end I have no one to blame but myself for how things are.
Oh well this is the life I know. Its cheerless, depressing, stupid, joyless, frustrating, hopeless, bleak, daunting, oppressive, disheartening, discouraging, sad, heartbreaking, and somber.
Time for a change...a big one. Where do I start?
So about my new job. I don't really like it. Big surprise there. The mood there is kind of stuck up. The old lady's that work there mean mug me. I really miss working at Sally's. Kohl's is stupid. I was hired to cover two departments. That means Recovery, 5 5's, Ad set(sometimes), stock and take customer calls. I also work on the register. There's a lot to be done there and time goes so SLOW I can never get out of there soon enough.
Until Next Time....Jessica.