Thursday, May 29, 2008

Im starving. I feel like I haven't eaten in days. The crazy thing about it is the fact that I've eaten more today than I have in the past two or three weeks....go figure.

I have tomorrow off. Yay. Its my first day off all week so far. What to do....What to do...I'll probably just swim. My brother from another mother has been wanting to go for the longest.

Work has been going well lately. Surprise surprise. I guess it's not as bad as I make it sound its just something I'd rather not do, Im sure Im not alone on that. Having a job is something most people want/need but few look forward to.

I was talking to some guy about communication between people in relationships, how it came about I'll never know, but he doesn't think that its at all possible to give oneself completely. I agree. I dont believe it can happen. Those who claim to have given completely would probably call co-dependency on the matter, but lets not get into semantics its like monopoly, it never ends.

That reminds me of a song my mom used to sing when I was little. Its called Fairy Tales by Anita Baker. It goes a little something like this:

    "I can remember stories, those things my mother said
    She told me fairy tales, before I went to bed
    She spoke of happy endings, then tucked me in real tight
    She turned my night light on, and kissed my face good night
    My mind would fill with visions, of perfect paradise
    She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice
    He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night
    I'd be so happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight

    She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
    She never said that maybe, someday he'd say goodbye."

Its a good song.

Im rambling. Its time I take my leave.

Jessica.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

So I hear that we go through hell to get to heaven. I call bullshit on the last part. We go through hell then we die and that's the end of it. Heaven is imaginary.

Heaven was made up to give people something to look forward to as we walk through the hell God hath forced upon us.

Something I've been thinking about lately is happiness. Not happiness alone happiness in life, which I conclude to be an oxymoron.

Maybe I should change the way I think. Maybe I should be a little more optimistic......you know start with the 'Man In The Mirror.' 

To be optimistic I guess I have to believe that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything wrong is right. To me it sounds like anyone who thinks this way is a person without experience.

I think I'll pass on the optimism. Who knows maybe its me who is completely naive about it all, but I doubt it....prove me wrong.

My resolution was to be positive, I haven't been sticking to that in so many ways. I feel that being positive is to be mistaken about...everything.

If more people viewed life as it really is; a big let down, then people wouldn't be so surprised when they get screwed over. Disappointment is the only thing guaranteed in life. You don't have to work for it, it finds you.

Jessica.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Oh Woe....

So for no particular reason lets start this off by saying life sucks. Life---A strange, inconvenient, and unpopular place where people bring you things you do not want or like. Okay moving on.

So its said that New Aged thinking suggests or insists that obstacles and difficulties that befall us during our lives are in reality no more than opportunities in disguise.....Lets let it linger a bit, eh?

My mom thinks we should start going to church again. I havent been to church in years. I dont like church, its long and boring. I mean all it really is, is a building erected for ecclesiastical fundraising.....There is much more to be said here but I dont think the world is ready for my cynical rants because after all faith is the tactical avoidance of the truth and all that is probable.

I was thinking about life because thats what I do and while in my thoughts the word longevity popped up. Then I got to thinking of the definition of the word and its use. Longevity is used to denote the length or duration of the life of an animal or plant, often used to indicate an unusually long life....Who is responsible for that word? Longevity, its just an extension for the fear of death.

Until Next Time...Jessica.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I have to go to work in a few hours. No big surprise there. Ive been working everyday for the past few weeks. I think I have a day off tomorrow. Im not sure though, so I wont get excited about it.

I planned on taking summer classes, but I dont want to so I probably wont. I'll just wait until fall.

Until Next Time...Jessica.