Saturday, November 29, 2008

Better Place.

My grandma died on Friday at about four in the morning. I didnt want her to go, but she was suffering here. Im happy for her relief, shes in a better place.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


My grandma was sent home. She doesn't have long, so the whole family is going over to spend the night with her.

I've read books one and two. I'm in the middle of book three in the Twilight series. Theres only one left. I'm sad, I don't want it to end. I heard that book five was leaked onto the Internet and that the author was thinking of not having it published...I hope its just a rumor.

I guess I'll have to find a new series to completely emerge myself in.

While were on the topic I finally went to see the movie. It doesn't even measure up to the book...not at all. There were quite a few things left out. Everything happened too fast. On a lighter note Rob was sexy. I hear that they are going to make the sequel movie New Moon...we'll see how that turns out. That could be a rumor as well.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Why Her?

Last night after I got off work I received the worst news possible. My grandma hasn't been awake for twenty four hours, not even to eat. A little history on the subject: She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease some years ago and now she is in her last stages, on her death bed. Last night we went to the hospital and was there until 6am. The doctors pretty much said that this was it for her.

Shes stable now, but still asleep.

Things like this make me question faith, naturally. I do not want my grandma to suffer, but at the same time I don't want her to leave our family. Without her what do we have? Why does it have to be now, during the holidays? I'm afraid that I will forever relate this season to something horrible.

Another thing I don't understand is how something so horrible can happen to someone so good. Its infuriating. We watched every stage of this disease take her away from us one day at a time. We watched her struggle to connect with those around her and there was nothing NOTHING we could do about it.

Last night, or this morning rather we, as a family decided to sign a DNR form. We figured that it was in her best interest and as my uncle puts it, "If the Lord is calling for her, let her go." I don't want to let her go, but as I said I don't want to keep her here if she is suffering. She doesn't deserve that. Why her?


Saturday, November 22, 2008


I went to buy the Twilight series today so now I have books 1,3 and 4. Not 2. Target was completely out of book two. Ugh! I really hate when that happens especially when it comes to books. It drives me insane. I stood in the isle for a good fifteen minutes hoping a copy would fall out of the didnt.

I'll have to go to Borders for it. I really hope they have it, I hate not knowing what happens. First thing tomorrow I'm going to the bookstore. Do not pass go do not collect $200!

I just got off work. I'm tired, but I cant sleep. I hate it when that happens and it happens a lot. Yay me.

So today at work I found out, along with the other employees working tonight, that two of our managers have a little something something going on. They both practically yelled out in the employee meeting. They were beet red the entire meeting it was awkwardly funny. Im pretty sure we all knew it though.

I'm listening to Matchbox Twenty's live USB concert thing and I though it'd be better...I was wrong. Its good don't get me wrong, but...I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm tired.

I want to go to a stand up comedy show. Not many of those come through this hole in the wall city, not the bigger names at least. I was surprised when MB20 decided to come through...easily the best night of my life. I hope they come back.

I'm rambling.


Friday, November 21, 2008

Today Is The Day...Twilight.

Today is the day that I have been waiting is the day that Twilight hits is also the day that, that same movie is sold out damn near everywhere...I'm not surprised as I figured that would happen.

I though I'd be more upset by this reality, but I'm not seeing as how I own the book and can read it whenever I feel an Edward Cullen withdrawal attack coming on...its a very real condition not to be taken lightly...I'm thinking of seeing the movie at least twice or maybe three times next week when I'm off.

While we are on the topic of Edward Cullen AKA Rob Pattinson, after watching several YouTube videos, I'd like to point out that he kind of channels Johnny Depp...there is a certain shyness about them that they both share its crazy.

It has been said that Rob has sex hair, which I agree to be true. That man truly looks like he has had some serious shag sessions. He pulls off the shag look well, its very sexy. Not many men can do that.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Twilight...Caught In The Hype.

Lately I've been hearing and seeing lots of hype about the book and movie Twilight. So much hype that I was starting to feel like I was the only one not familiar. Apparently it is a really good book.

So good in fact, the movie that hits theaters Friday is already sold out in various places. Because of this hype I read the reviews and a few spoilers then I went out earlier today and bought the book. I am the first to say that I'm not one of those people who are easily amused, but my goodness....this book is highly entertaining. I cannot put it down, though I did to write this and this post will probably be short. I don't want to waste reading time and there is that nagging fear that the book with burst into flames before I get to the end.

The last time I was excited about a book was Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice, which is currently at the top of my short list of few.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Snow In The Forecast.

Last night I got off early enough to see the last showing of Role Models with Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd. First off those men are not bad looking. Second it was a pretty good movie.

My friends seem to think I'm most like Paul Rudd's character in the fact that he is a realist miserable in life. I'll agree that describes me. I don't find motivation in anything on top of that I don't entertain things that are not probable. I'm not into ideals. I'm more of a person who takes things as they are or appear to be. I'm straight forward not one to sugar coat.

I wish I was off today, but no not me I have to work everyday of every weekend. It fucking sucks on top of that I'm really starting to loath my job entirely. I mean I already hate it. I don't like the managers, one in particular. Like I said before I need a new job.

In other news...literaly...snow is in the forecast. Perfect metaphor for life.

You lose some then you lose some more.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mean What You Say.

Thought I'd stop in and jot a few words before I head out to work.

I have late hours this whole week. Meaning I dont get home until about 1am. I hate that I have to work late. I much rather work days and have my nights to myself...only in a perfect world. I should probably start looking for another job. I'll soon go crazy at the place Im at.

I was thinking about why I wanted to move out of Kansas City and I added it up to everything being so routine. I have the same days off, I've been at the same job for a while, seeing the same people where the same things happen. Then I come home to the same two people who always argure about the same things.

Im sick of 'same' Im ready for new and different.

I was on the phone with my friend (ENW) last night she just got back from Branson, Missouri and was telling me about her trip. Then she goes on to say,
"Next year you should come with us." I say,
"No, Im not interested in Branson."
"Jess! You never want to do anything."
"Yes I do, just not Branson."
"No you dont everytime I ask you to go somewhere you dont want to do it. You dont want to do anything. Youre bored with everything."

I guess my not being motivated has stretched futher than I thought it did. Im not surprised. Plus she is a lot of talk not much walk so instead of enabling I just say no. On top of that if im not interested then I wont do it. Plain and simple. I will admit that Im a junkie for last minute spontaneous trips. If someone called me right now and told me they were going on a road trip, I'd pack my things in a heartbeat and wait at the door.

Once when ENW and I were out eating it was about two in the morning and I forget where we were before that, but out of nowhere she says lets drive up to NWMSU. (We have a friend up there.) I was all for it, but then I realized who I was talking to. She doesnt do spontaneous. She was just talking usual.

Heres what she likes to do:
-Lets go drive up to NWMSU after this!
-We both have a few days off and I have a full tank.
-You just got paid and I have some money.
-We havent seen CMJ in a long time.

So far so good...It continues.
-Im kind of tired, I hope I dont fall asleep at the wheel.
-I'll buy a monster. I should be fine, plus you'll be in the car too.
-I hope theres enough room in her dorm for us.
-Wait is he bf visiting? I dont want to go up there if her bf is there?
-Call her and see.

The ending...
-So he's not up there? Oh.
-What about her roommate, is she cool with it? (yes her bf is visiting though)
-Oh. Thats going to be too many people in that dorm room. (Its a dorm suit...plenty of room)
-I dont want to see her roommate's bf, plus Im kind of tired anyway maybe we can go next week.
-Or we can just wait until the next time she comes down.

As much as I love that girl I believe people shouldnt say things unless they mean it. I knew almost immeadiately after she said the first thing, that she didnt really want to go. Im not blaming her for not wanting to do something, shit I really dont care what she does...I just prefer people say what they mean and mean what they say. Plain and simple.

Im past the point in my life where talking about things is fun. Im older than that talk wont do for me anymore. I need actual walk. We're grown around here. Its time we start acting it. Make believe is for children.

So I guess todays lesson is mean what you say....Is that too much to ask??


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Hes Been Invited.

Earlier today, while I was at work I got an e-mail from David, via cell phone, telling me that he found my blog and that he wanted to write in it.

I don't mind that he found it or that he wants to post from it, I'm just wondering how he found it, its not like it gets lots of traffic or anything. I'll have to ask him.

Oh well...I've invited him to post. It should be fun. Months ago we shared a blog on MySpace, but we've since deleted it...I forget why.

Things are about to get interesting...


Barbeque Sauce, Football and Porn.

My friend and I still haven't heard back from the complex we applied at. It's been one week and three days. We should have heard nay or yay by now. While I'm on the topic...earlier today we were sitting around talking about how we probably were denied and basically the conversation led to us not wanting to move out anymore, which I don't have a problem with. Its actually for the best. It gives us time to better prepare for life...meaning we still want to squander our money.

Another good thing about this is now I have more of a chance of moving out of Missouri to somewhere totally different...'where no one knows my name'...kind of like the song. I've been sick of Kansas City since my senior year in high school. Its time to move on. I'm so ready for it. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't miss anything about this city, except for maybe my family and the barbeque sauce. We have good sauce here in Kansas City, Its one of the things this city is known case you were wondering. We're also known for having the SUCKIEST football team in the NFL. (Chiefs)

If I were to leave I think I would do it without telling anyone.

I really need to go shopping. I need new jeans. I love jeans, but it is so hard to find a pair that fits me proper. I'm 5'11 and I weigh 130. There are not many places that sell jeans I can fit into. I've been buying my jeans from Buckle since I was 15. Every time I go I spend at least $100 on a single pair. Its time I made a visit.

I have this friend, whom I've never met in person. We live in the same city, same county even, but still I've never actually met him in person. We've known each other for about three years. We talk on the phone rarely, but we text all the time. We have a mutual friend which is how he got my number. He first seen me on MySpace and asked my permission to use my number and every since then we've been friends. We're like pen pals. Its crazy.

Yesterday I went to the movies. I saw Zach & Miri Make A Porno. It was hilarious! I don think I've ever laughed that much in a theater. If you haven't seen it and you like movies like American Pie, Knocked up & Superbad...You'd love Zach and Miri.

Also yesterday I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting for oh so long. Its on the back of my neck. I love tattoos, I think they are sexy. Did I mention David and Rob both have sleeves?....

Yes We Can!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Big Loser.

I'm a big loser. I'll tell you why.

I possess a deep appreciation for writers. So much so that I decided to try my own hand at it. I'm no Jane Austen, but I can be really good when I try and that I did...then I took one day off. That day turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months...and now I've lost my drafts.

You're probably wondering how that makes me a big loser. I'll tell you. I wanted so much to be committed and passionate about something, but I failed. That, my friends, makes me a big loser. On to the next thing...


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Ten Questions...Go Vote!

The big topic today is voting. So in the spirit of the event I'm going to go out and vote today. So should everyone else. -Your vote is you voice. Speak Up!!!- If that doesn't motivate you enough just keep in mind that there are free stickers in it for those who do vote! In all seriousness, who doesn't love free stickers!? Also, the feeling and knowing that you had a say in a history making election. Now that's what I call a story for the grand kids. Wouldn't you say?

Out of pure boredom, I've decided to answer the ten questions James Lipton asks every guest on the show called Inside The Actors Studio. I'm sure you all know of it...I've always thought they were interesting questions and since Mr. Lipton is not likely to ask me I go...

1. What is your favorite word?
Flabbergasted, it almost sounds made up.

2. What is your least favorite word?
Booty, it sounds disgusting.

3. What turns you on?
Curiosity and Confidence.

4. What turns you off?
Ignorance and Arrogance.

5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. Plain and simple. There are no other 'real' contenders and it works in various situations.

6. What sound or noise do you love?

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Crying babies and Car Alarms. It makes me crazy.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I wouldn't mind being a Psychiatrist. I think I would rather enjoy it.

9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
A Surgeon of any kind, I don't think I could handle that kind of pressure.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Just the person I wanted to see! Come on in!"

Monday, November 3, 2008

Interesting Story...

I'm off tomorrow. I'm happy about that, for I hate to work.

I'm currently addicted to the song Angels On The Moon by Thriving Ivory. Even though his voice kind of freaks me out. Its so different from his speaking voice. Its crazy...I love it. The lyrics are so good. I'm ALL about lyrics.

I start school November 17. I'm kind of excited, which will soon wear thin I'm sure.

Interesting story. Well not really interesting, but a story nonetheless. I was talking to some bloke...whom of which I haven't known for that long. We're new acquaintances if you will. Anyway he says to me,

"You know for someone as sexy as you are, you sure have a real bad attitude."

I don't deny it, but my problem with the situation is the fact that I haven't yet introduced him to my 'bad attitude.' It was frustrating. I hardly know him. Oh well.

I spoke to Rob today. Rob is David's roommate. I miss seeing the both of them. It was good times when they were around. I bring it up because right after David and I broke it off Rob sends me a text saying:

-Just so you know sweetheart, I want you. I want to tongue fuck you until you come in my mouth.-

Sounds nice huh? Yes. I didn't reply back. I would never. I didn't take it too seriously. Rob loves his ladies and he doesnt hide that bit. Interesting fact about him: He writes erotic poetry and surprisingly he's good at it. He has a profile on Literotica.

I'm rambling.

Ah yes...the conversation with Rob. We did the usual small talk, but immediately after he brings up the time he walked in on David and I doing the deed. He didn't really walk in. He was let in. I'll tell the story.

David and I rushed into his apartment and straight to his room because the situation was urgent. As soon as we got in we closed the door and started ripping off our clothes, which didn't take long. Once the clothes were away we slowed the tempo a bit he laid me on his bed and teased me with his fingers and tongue. (He drives me absolutely insane) Theres only so much of that I can take before actual penetration is needed. He took pleasure in sending me over the edge.

Finally he leans over me and inserts the head of his penis, slowly filling me completely. I wrapped my legs around him, he picked me up and walked me over to the wall next to the door and started thrusting. He pulled all the way out to the tip and pushed back in with a slow force. His lips were resting on my own. I could feel him smile. He knew I craved him. We were in our own world of perfect pleasure when all of a sudden...

Rob knocks on the door. "Dave is the iron in there?" As if that wasn't enough David answers back, "Its on the desk." Not only does he answer back he reaches over and opens the door giving a head motion towards the desk.

David wasn't phased by it at all, for his pace never changed. I'm still flabbergasted to this day.

Rob brings it up as often as he can. He's such an arse. He loves to annoy me, but that's okay I've seen him in action as theres a story to tell.


Saturday, November 1, 2008

Anti Climatic

I'm listening to Matchbox Twenty and I'm remembering back when I went to their concert in Feb at the Sprint Center. That was probably the best day of my entire life, even though I was sick. Everything after is anti-climatic. Nothing can compare.

I've really been craving a tattoo. My last tattoo was done in Feb. as well. Its about time for another one. In case anyone is wondering the rumors about them being addictive are true, but I love every minute of it.