Last night after I got off work I received the worst news possible. My grandma hasn't been awake for twenty four hours, not even to eat. A little history on the subject: She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease some years ago and now she is in her last stages, on her death bed. Last night we went to the hospital and was there until 6am. The doctors pretty much said that this was it for her.
Shes stable now, but still asleep.
Things like this make me question faith, naturally. I do not want my grandma to suffer, but at the same time I don't want her to leave our family. Without her what do we have? Why does it have to be now, during the holidays? I'm afraid that I will forever relate this season to something horrible.
Another thing I don't understand is how something so horrible can happen to someone so good. Its infuriating. We watched every stage of this disease take her away from us one day at a time. We watched her struggle to connect with those around her and there was nothing NOTHING we could do about it.
Last night, or this morning rather we, as a family decided to sign a DNR form. We figured that it was in her best interest and as my uncle puts it, "If the Lord is calling for her, let her go." I don't want to let her go, but as I said I don't want to keep her here if she is suffering. She doesn't deserve that. Why her?