Monday, November 24, 2008

Why Her?

Last night after I got off work I received the worst news possible. My grandma hasn't been awake for twenty four hours, not even to eat. A little history on the subject: She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease some years ago and now she is in her last stages, on her death bed. Last night we went to the hospital and was there until 6am. The doctors pretty much said that this was it for her.

Shes stable now, but still asleep.

Things like this make me question faith, naturally. I do not want my grandma to suffer, but at the same time I don't want her to leave our family. Without her what do we have? Why does it have to be now, during the holidays? I'm afraid that I will forever relate this season to something horrible.

Another thing I don't understand is how something so horrible can happen to someone so good. Its infuriating. We watched every stage of this disease take her away from us one day at a time. We watched her struggle to connect with those around her and there was nothing NOTHING we could do about it.

Last night, or this morning rather we, as a family decided to sign a DNR form. We figured that it was in her best interest and as my uncle puts it, "If the Lord is calling for her, let her go." I don't want to let her go, but as I said I don't want to keep her here if she is suffering. She doesn't deserve that. Why her?

Jessica.

1 comment:

WordSnMotioN21 said...

First of all whats your profile pic about? It's kinda funny but thats something else entirely. On to the topic for the day. I feel ya on this note as you know my grandma went through kind of the same thing. I know so far theres nothing ive said to convince you of any different thoughts about faith but I think of it as it doesn't matter how good the person is. Sometimes things just happen because there is sin in the world. And it might sound weird but I thank God for letting my Grandma go the way she did. I mean I would have been devasted if she suddenly died. I mean at least I was kinda prepared for it. That might be the selfish way to look at it but...it makes me feel better. And I KNOW my Grandma is in a better place. Our bodies are just a shell on this Earth. Our soul lives forever. I didn't mean for this to be the longest comment in America. I was just in my feelings for the moment. Ill end it here.