Saturday, January 31, 2009
Winter is passing the weather is warming. I don't like it. I don't like heat or sunshine especially when I'm in the car and it blazes one side of my face. What the hell is that? I like snow and rain. I'm seriously contemplating moving to Alaska or Forks...or somewhere with tall buildings...New York maybe.
I wish Michael Jackson wasn't crazy, the man is a legend. I would very much like to see him live, but I'm not holding my breath for it.
I'm having trouble operating my cell phone. I miss T9. That was great and will be missed. It takes so much longer to type without it.
Brad Pitt was amazingly sexy in Fight Club. That crazy and deranged look worked for him.
More in the spirit of football.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Questions Courtesy of: Cali Belle
1.) If a natural disaster left thousands of people homeless, would you let a family of strangers stay in your house?
I'm going to have to go with AR on this one and say no. I feel for them, but its not happening. I'll donate or something to help out, but still no.
2.) How often do you watch porn?
Surprisingly I never watch it. It doesn't really do much for me anyways and for some weird reason I can always guess the ending...Whats up with that?
3.) How many people have naked or semi-naked pictures of you?
Ha! Umm I don't understand the question.
4.) When having sex with someone, have you ever fantasized about someone else? If yes, explain why you were thinking of someone else during sex.
Hmm. I'm not sure that I have. If I were to try I'm sure I wouldn't be able to get over the reality of who is actually in the room. So I'd be terribly unsuccessful in the imagining department.
5.) Is there ever an appropriate time to lie to someone and push yourself off as single when truthfully you're not?
Cant think of a single scenario. If you have to lie about your relationship status then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship, but I guess if its someones dying wish from their death bed...go for it...because you know, that happens all the time.
6.) Who is one person who has changed your life and how did they change things for you?
I cant think of a single soul. My grandma maybe. Since her death I've learned tons about her life that I never got the chance to learn before.
7.) How comfortable are you in bed with your current significant other? Do they know all your kinks or do you tend to hold back? Why?
Very comfortable. He knows it all. In the beginning we did hold back, but that's expected and long in the past.
Lately its getting to the point where it bothers me and it takes longer to get over. More physically than mentally. It almost feels like I let them win because they yelled and screamed and I walked away.
Maybe the part that's bothers me is the fact that they leave thinking they're right when they're clearly not. It wouldn't be a problem normally, as people can think what they want...I don't give two shits, but the rage builds up and burns like wasted adrenaline. Its a sucky feeling.
Rage blackouts anyone??
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Doubt, though I want to say it was Seven Pounds. In any event both were good movies.
2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?
Um. Of course the classic popcorn...whenever I buy it I'm not allowed to season, apparently I put too much salt on it....on the side is sprite, M&M's and millions of napkins...I'm a little clumsy.
3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?
Sure. Who hasn't? Most times there are bunch of teens working and they couldn't care less so its not really sneaking.
4. Have you ever made out in a theater?
Oh yea. Movie theatres are perfect for sucking face...except when one of you is actually trying to watch the movie, then its just annoying.
5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?
All the way. It happened on the afternoon of a Tuesday...much like this one. The theatre was practically empty save for us and the workers. No harm no foul.
Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?
Good question. Its a toss up between the bookshelf ladder scene in Atonement and the staircase hallway scene in Unfaithful. Both were awesome.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Ugh! I hate school. I'm this close to quitting...not really, but still. I was thinking about my major and what I wanted to do with my degree and I came up with nothing. Its been this way since high school...I hated high school.
I wouldn't mind having a decent paying desk job for the rest of my life, with the cubicle...stapler the whole nine. Way to under achieve...I know. Would it help any if I said that I'd like the desk job?? No??....I didn't think so. I guess this means I'm still on the future career lookout.
I'm not completely counting out desk jobs. Some are really good, but I don't know if I can handle someone stealing my stapler...there are some lines you just don't cross.
Since today is in fact Sunday, I'll give a confession of sorts.
There is something about him and I wish there wasn't. We get ourselves into lots of knots...and I love every dirty minute of it.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Him-This....what we're doing is intoxicating. It doesn't feel real.
Me- What then does it feel like?
Him-(Longest pause in history) It feels like an alternate reality. Its only real to us in this room.
Me-Does that bother you?
Me-What do you want to do about it?
Him-I hate pretending. We are not this. Not anymore. Its not just sex, but you wont see it and I cant quit. So I plan to fuck you until you do, or until it ends. You don't have a choice in it. I don't care about our other lives this is what I want.
He was right. We left the room and it seemed like none of it had happened. I guess I didn't notice it until that moment, but I was suddenly aware of the change in the two realities.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Him-Just okay? We'll have to fix that wont we? Tell me how you want to feel...Better yet tell me where you want to feel it.
He cant keep it in his pants...and it never gets old.
I cant say that I have, though the opportunity has never surfaced.
2. What is your type?
95% of the time I love the cliche bad boy with the tattoos, pierces and bad attitude...an overall BAMF. The other 5% I like the opposite.
3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Simon says...good times.
4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
I don't think so. I don't know last or first names in some cases anymore, but then I probably did.
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Who me? Oh yea.
Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
I don't think there is a specific age. I'm sure its different with different people...As for me, I'm just getting started.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Its no secret that I'm not a very positive person. I see things as they appear to me, meaning I expect the worse. Every since I graduated high school, I've wanted to get out of Missouri...as soon as the opportunity presented itself, I would take it...not believing it would.
Opportunity decided to show up unannounced a few days ago and for reasons I cant pin point, I'm a little hesitant to leave. Don't get me wrong I do want to go, badly. Its just not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm afraid that if I pass this up...for whatever reason...opportunity will never come around here again. This has been wrecking my mind.
I'll end up leaving. I'm convinced there is nothing here for me. That song is playing in my mind.
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move,
I'm shaking off the rust I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal...for the life I lead.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Because I don't like the commitment that comes with keeping crap around. Depending on what it is...to keep it would mean that, not only do I have to see it, I have to mind it as well. I don't want to do that. I would rather it be gone. I breath easier when the crap is out....If I slept then I'm sure this would help me sleep better at night.
Maybe this is why I cant sleep. There is something in my life that I haven't yet deleted. My subconscious mind is freaking out causing the lack of sleep.
Or it could be the exact opposite. Maybe I removed something that I needed...thus the sleepless nights.
(Too much Dr. Phil...I know)
Hmm. Unbroken, I think that may be the answer.
It could also be that I'm just a loser who cant sleep without reason...I don't know which sucks more.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
1. Why I have been avoiding your calls/ Why I don't answer my phone.
First...Why are you still calling?
I don't have an answer you'd like nor one you'd want to hear so please don't ask unless you really want to know...otherwise leave it alone. Trust me...its for the best. You'll thank me later.
2. Why this is not 'just sex' anymore.
I kind of don't want to hear your reasoning. I just want to get laid. Lets not make this difficult. Its not hard. (In the literal sense I dearly hope it is) Either we are fucking or we are not. That's all that is up for discussion. Everything else is not important to me. Sorry stud...get naked.
3. Where I see myself years from now.
What the hell? I understand having goals for life. We all have them I just choose not to talk about mine. Why? No reason, other than I just don't want to...and depending on who I am talking to, their asking means they plan on being around...years from now. I might have a problem with that. For the others just stick around. Who knows maybe we'll both enjoy the ride.
I hear that sex is supposed to help one sleep better...maybe I should up my dosage...Any takers??
While we're on the topic of sex a while ago I was surfing the net and found some ridiculously odd reasons as to why people were having it....Here I thought it was because of the earth shattering, thigh quaking orgasms..... but hey, what do I know?? Apparently there is more to the story.
All you good dancers out there watch out...Im bored and tired!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
On a scale from 01-10 my sex life is a 25.
Not because of the sex alone. It is because of the connection and the raw intensity we have towards each other. He would probably describe it as a really good high from really good drugs, 'that will eventually kill him.'
Our desire is second nature. Fulfilling our need has, over time, become just as important as food and water...there is no living without it. That doesn't exist. What happens is excessive like a morbid longing of sorts.
It is lust defined...Overwhelming, unrestrained, unreal and so addictive....Insatiable even.
Eventually it will end, but until then on a scale from 01-10 my sex life is a 25.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Ten being the highest?? About a 25.
2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
To simply let it happen...depending on the person of course.
3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
Randomly noting ones beauty is always...romantic.
4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
5. How do you liked to be kissed?
Like its the last time.
Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?
Bumping heads. Its not as much embarrassing as it is funny.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It was a typical house party, beer pong and all...nothing special, though there were a lot of other things going on. I had my drink...no one was to be without one...and I was leaning against the door frame...observing, when I was approached by a random guy.
Random Guy: You're smiling.
Me: So. I smile all the time. I'm amused.
Random Guy: That may be true, but you don't mean it.
Me: Why don't I?
Random Guy: Because you smile with a frown. Why do you do that?
Me: You seem to have all the answers, why don't you tell me.
Random Guy: Most times I do. (Have all the answers)
Random Guy: This isn't one of those times.
Eventually the conversation turned to us talking about the things we like to do and I didn't really have anything to add to that...which happened to be the perfect changeover to that of my resolution. (I haven't forgotten...yet) His suggestion was to start with the simple pleasures and go from there, so here are the simple things I take pleasure in:
-Laughing so hard it hurts
-Late night phone calls
-Solving a problem
-Temporary relief caused by taking a deep breath
I never got his name.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
When life takes a detour down memory lane...I take a shortcut to smile and nod. Its like seeing an old friend that remembers you, but you haven't the slightest clue as to who they are...Just smile and nod.
Speaking of sex I have definitely been getting my fill of it. I sleep with a man whose want, no need for sexual release outweighs his need for food and water. Sex could be the furthest thing from his mind, but first on his list. Enough is never enough for him. It still surprises me. I love it.
When you think about it sex and coffee are a lot alike. Both are hot, both are good and you cant go without either for too long before you start feeling the side effects.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
1. Why do you keep a blog?
To free my mind of clutter. I like having a place to say what I feel at any given time. I can be me here, without hiding certain truths...and its fun.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back?
Someone I used to read when before I switched over to Blogger....it was also before AOL decided to delete the Journals...My Crazy Life. I think she decided against making the switch. Lots of people did.
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I am happy to say that I didn't break any of them, but there are eleven months left...plenty of time for me to screw up. Don't you worry.
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
Lazy. The holidays are over and so should the decorations be. I cant imagine the hassle its causing.
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head?
Beyonce's Single Ladies after reading Manwhore's recent post. (That Damn Beyonce!!) I really hate that song...loath entirely...I'll be singing it all day. I'm being punished.
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
I've tried it before. I was told it tasted like fruit roll ups...wrong! It tastes nothing like it, the after taste is horrible, though I wouldn't make a habit out of eating edible underwear if I were you.
Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
Hmm. I don't know something that would pay off, I suppose. Like taking money...lots of it. There are things I'd like to buy...lots of things.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Tuesday I get to have you. Tuesday I will have you. I have waited too long. I don't have that kind of control. Don't make me wait again. Tuesday I will fuck you. I will finger you. I will taste you. You will moan underneath me, saying my name. You will beg me to stop, I wont. You will collapse thinking its over, only to be taken again. I will kiss you. I will caress you. I will stroke. I will love you. You are mine. When its over you'll not want to leave. Your pussy lips will be sore and swollen. Your body spent and tired. Tuesday and every day after you are mine. When you ache it will be for me. When you come it will be by my hands. Your orgasms are mine. Tuesday I am fucking you within an inch of your life. Be ready. You are not getting out of it.
Today is Tuesday.
Monday, January 5, 2009
He speaks, "I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want to."
He is scary when his moods are this intense. "What do you want?" I asked him, hardly audible.
"I want..." He paused. "I want you. I always want you."
He sighed, frustrated while raking his hands through his hair. "You don't understand."
"Help you?" He repeated, his voice laced with sarcasm.
"You don't know what you're asking for."
He stood wearing only jeans and walked to me. Startled, I stepped back. He stopped moving and frowned at me, as if I offended him greatly, then started toward me again backing me into the wall. His closeness sent a rush of heat through my entire body...now was not the time. It was at that moment that I realized that I would never grow tired of him.
"Damn it." He said breaking the silence, seemingly angry.
I looked up at him, he held my gaze with heavy lids. I could barely see his eyes, when I did it was apparent that he noticed. Of course he noticed, he always does. He moved next to me leaning his head against the wall with his eyes closed.
I wanted to leave. I tried to leave. He reached out and pulled me back to the wall and stood in front of me. He grabbed both sides of my shirt and lifted it off over my head. He dropped to his knees and carefully removed each of my shoes. He stood up and rested his hands on my waist. He leaned down, as if to kiss me, but he stopped and moved his hands to unbutton my pants.
He pinned my hands above my head, while his other hand dove into the front of my jeans. His fingers were playing around in my wetness. He leaned into my ear saying, "You have no self control."
I could feel his lips and warm breath brush my ear as he spoke, sending another wave of excitement through my body.
"Is that for me?" He asked.
His fingers finally dove into me, forcefully. After crooking his fingers he quickly found my spot. The slightest touch caused my quick intake of breath. He stopped moving.
"Not yet. Wait." He commanded.
He started to stroke me again. I did not want to wait. Moreover I didn't think I could wait. I was grinding into his hand. I could feel it...I was close.
He moved his hand. I began to protest.
"No." He said, putting his fingers into my mouth. "Take off your clothes, Jessica."
I did as he said. I stood before him, aroused beyond comprehension awaiting his next command. He just stared adoringly.
"Kiss me, now."
I touched my lips to his pressing lightly then letting up. He grabbed me by the nape of my neck and forced my mouth open with his tongue. He kissed me like he thirsted for it. He pulled me close to him. The softness of my body contrasted with the firmness of his. The roughness of his jeans did little to hide his erection. He slipped the condom in my hand.
"Do it." His voice was strained, but lacked emotion.
I kneeled in front of him. I ran my fingers along the outside of his jeans. He groaned and threw his head back. I slowly unbuttoned his pants pulling them down to his feet. I watched his erection spring free and the urge to grant him release took over.
I gripped the base of his shaft and rubbed up to the tip...the precum oozed out. I worked it all over. I left no area untouched. He twitched in my hands. I wanted to taste him.
"Stop." He quickly snatched me up by my shoulders. I watched him put the condom on himself. "Sit down." He was speaking through his teeth. He was angry.
"Open your legs. I want to see you...Wider...Good."
He pulled a chair up to the bed. "Move back and put your legs up."
I did as he asked and he licked me once bottom to top. I felt him separating my lips completely exposing myself to his gaze. I was mad with desire. How did I let him have so much control over my body? He shoved his tongue inside of me, slow and hard...over and over.
"Open your eyes. Watch me." He demanded.
I didn't realize my eyes were closed. My entire body was on edge and he hadn't touched the most sensitive area, but when he did...He did not let up. He would not stop. He suckled. He licked. He drew circles with his tongue. I was past clear thinking. I could feel my arousal pouring out of me....this was it.
"Not like this. Wait." He wasn't looking at me, but rather at what was on his menu.
Again I started to protest, but was cut off.
"No. Not your way, not this time." His voice was even, quiet, stern and cold.
He stood before me and leaned over me at the same time pushing me to the middle of the bed. He positioned himself for entry licking his lips saying, "You are my favourite flavor, but you shouldn't play with fire. My self control is far worse than yours. I cant walk away." The look in his eyes begged me to heed his warning.
With that he eased into to me. I half expected him to shove his way in. In fact, I prepared myself for it.
He lifted my hips and started thrusting slowly at first, soon he picked up his pace.
He fucked me crazy. His rough strokes stimulated me to no end and I loved every minute of it. He paused only a minute giving me permission to come...on his command and with a few quick thrusts I was completely taken over by a harsh orgasm causing wild contractions around his still hard erection. He looked down at me, his expression hidden by his hair, waiting for the spasms to let up.
Once my breathing was even again he said, "When I say I always want you, I mean it. One day I wont return you to your other life." He paused. "We're not done here."
Maybe that should have been a resolution of mine, to make better choices. Its not too late to add it to my short list of few, but I wont as the intent would not be good...I guess its safe to say that I get a cheap thrill out of it...Cheap not free as I always pay the price...and then I go back for more.
Now here's a little Monday Madness I came across while surfing the web:
1. Name 1 comedy movie you've seen. -Tropic Thunder.
2. Name 2 black and white films you remember seeing. -Ed Wood with Johnny Depp and Gidget with Sandra Dee.
3. Name 3 dramas you thought were worth watching. -Titanic, Doubt and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Meryl Streep & Jack Nicholson...owned it.
4. Name 4 television shows you watch on a regular (or semi-regular) basis. -Fresh Prince reruns, Greys Anatomy, Private Practice and General Hospital.
5. Name 5 things that, in your opinion, are advertised on television too frequently. -McDonald's, credit cards, wireless cell phone plans, Vonage and the Beep Beep car commercial.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Lets be real.
I know few people who make resolutions and actually stick to them. Twelve months is a long time and life gets in the way, but I guess its the good intent that counts....that's assuming the intent is good.
Tis really a new start on old habits...So in the spirit of good intent, I made a list. I must confess that I did not come up with these on my own I had help from a friend, but remember its the good intent that counts here and I assure you the intent is good.
-Take a trip...as I never ever go anywhere.
-Find a new hobby...there are not many things I like doing. In fact, I don't like doing anything so I am now on a journey to find something that tickles my fancy...other than the obvious.
-Get organized...I cant find anything and I miss more deadlines than should be acceptable.
-Be more positive....This was my resolution last year thanks to CMJ and I failed miserably...Round deux anyone??
In the words of Oprah...Here's to another chance to get it right.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Years Eve I didn't do much. The original plan was to attend a small party maybe go to a bar then engage in some hot drunken sex with the man that would have been next to me, but no.
Instead my cousin came over and stayed the night and we went to see a movie...I didn't want to be rude and leave her alone. When 12:00 hit we were in Hy-Vee buying books and magazines, though we went in for alcohol. I am not complaining for I love spending time with my cousin, we always have a nice time and she is my favorite person...but I was looking forward to the hot drunken sex...there will be other times, I am sure of it. No real loss.
Now for my resolutions...