Monday, March 30, 2009

Frustrated.

Is it me or does anyone else agree that a bad sexual encounter leaves you more frustrated than before?

It does me. Its like wasted effort.

The foreplay was horrible. I had to put an end to it...I cannot even begin to imagine how the actual sex is with that guy.

On top of that school started back today.

Ugh.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lovers Email.

Lover is a man of very very few words. I love it I hate it. Recently he sent me the longest email Ive ever read in my entire life. (Just between us...I skipped some lines) I thought the email was rather interesting because usually he tells me how he will not let me go. No matter what.

Part of the reason we never completely quit each other is because we've been through so much. We fought we cried we hated and all the rest. When I say I'm almost done with him I mean it, but at the same time I cant imagine him not being there. For years hes always been there even when I didn't want him to be.

I digress. Back to the email.

"...I know I've done things that cannot be forgiven and I do not ask you to....I fuck up a lot...you are the only one who gave a damn and I do not tell you enough how much it means...I know I have a lot to work on. I am far from better...I'm damaged...It doesn't feel right when you are away, but if want me to let you go. I will let you go..."

Its funny how a few rolls between the sheets can so quickly turn into something...so complicated.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Assailable.

I am not an emotional person. I do not show affection the way most people do. I don't share my feelings. I'll gladly listen to those belonging to others, but I cannot seem to communicate my own. Sometimes I wish I could, other times I like that no one can tell. I'm good at hiding things, but one person sees through me every single time and I don't know why. There is a word that comes to mind.

Assailable.

In other news Lover has been creeping his way back into my life. I'm not sure I like the way that sounds. It insinuates that he actually had a spot there in the first place, which I suppose is true, but whatever. The thing I love about him is that he doesn't tell me what I want to hear and he never has. He tells me how it is...the entire ugly truth. I appreciate it.

My current favourite song.
Seether-Broken


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

TMI Tuesday #179

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?
Believe it or not I haven't googled anyone save for myself...just to see. Ive had my sister Facebook search a guy or two. Does that count? While were on the topic you'd be surprised what one can find out from Facebook, which is why I don't have one.

2. Do you gossip?
I don't gossip like a 14 year old girl, but when someone brings something to my attention I comment when I see fit. It only really happens at work as it were.

3. How many people do you completely trust?
I completely trust one other person outside of myself.

4. Have you ever had sex in car?
Who me? I don't understand the question. ;)

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
Hmm. I guess I'd have to say physical contact or innuendo. I'm not saying that I run around grabbing crotches, but you catch my drift. Most times it only takes a look.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
I'd say about three at the most. I don't think we ever left the room.

Monday, March 23, 2009

3 Mini Rants.

1. If you say you are going to do something...do it. If you are not, say you're not. Its not hard, I promise.

2. I cannot stand it when people make a big deal over something stupid. I'm not just saying its stupid because I think it is, I'm saying its stupid because it actually is. The sad thing: I'm beginning to expect it.

3. I hate it when people make excuses for what they are or are not doing. If you are doing it, its because you want to. If you really didn't want to, then you wouldn't be doing it. Plain and simple. Fuck the rest.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

6 Random Things.

1. I love Dr. Phil. Whenever I think of him the phrase "Don't bullshit a bullshitter" comes to mind. Not saying hes a bullshitter or anything...it just seems to fit.

2. Ive been meeting lots of military men as of late and when I say lots I mean two or three.

3. I was promised sex. No. Wait...I was promised a good old fashioned fuck as soon as the lights went out...and when the lights finally went out guess what happened....he held my hand.

4. Some things are personal. I get it...but my goodness. There's a difference between that and just being a prude. 95% of the time someone in your direct vicinity has already been there and done it...Twice. You are not special.

5. Someone asked me if Id go out with him to drink green beer. First of all, what the fuck? Call me stupid, but what is the point of green beer? I'm told it cost the same, smells the same and tastes the same. So again, what the fuck?....with that said, I'm in!

6. Ive been cutting back on profanity. I don't know why, it just seemed right...Until the day I realized that there was no point in not cursing. Years ago cursing would have never crossed my mind. I was raised to speak like a lady not a sailor. So much for that. Mother would be proud.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

You Said It. Not Me.

Friday, I went to see Watchmen. I'm not going to ruin it for those of you who haven't seen it, but I will say that it was the longest movie I've seen in a while. Longer than Titanic. Longer than the original Shining, longer than the Colin Firth version of Pride & Prejudice. If it wasn't longer than those it sure as hell seemed like it.

People are insecure. I get it. We all have insecurities, but I know a person who is insecure to the point where he talks down on himself just to hear someone say the opposite is true. He tries this with me. I am not his mother. I do not care. You say you're fat and ugly...I am going to agree, just remember you said it. Not me.

I was invited to a thing on the 17th. The person is bringing a few friends...three to be exact. A couple and single. Now usually I wouldn't care and I suppose I still don't, but I have a friend who is single and never really had a real guy friend/interest so I invited her. I probably shouldn't have as Ive never met the guy, but what could it hurt? If it doesn't work out at least they make a new friend.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Random Things.

In an attempt to take my mind away from tonight's festivities, Ive decided to jot a few pointless things for whomever to see.

I really like the show Cash Cab. That Benjamin Bailey is some kind of fox. I want to be on that show. Its amazing the amount of pointless information we hold. I don't know if its just me, but I have the tendency to scream the answer out at the television. Just so anyone in ear shot knows that I knew it....even when I'm home alone. I even do a little dance. I'm a loser.

I know its not just me.

I have the hots for a 39 year old man. I don't know what it is about older men, but I love them. I want him. He is so sexy. He came over Tuesday. I almost attacked him. Next time I will.

I love my new cell phone. I hardly ever get on the computer anymore. I can do everything from my bed. I love it. Technology is great. I especially love getting e-mail from it. Its my new favourite thing. I hope I don't break it. I break everything.

I was reading a blog and found out that a certain someone came into town for the weekend and didn't tell me. WTF? We could have had some good laughs. You know...just the two of us. Like old times. Remember??

Ha.

Later I'm going to see Watchmen...IMAX. I'm excited. Its been a while since Ive been to the theatre.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Headache.

Ive cut back on the coffee to a few cups a week. Ive also cut back on lover...not just him, but from lovin' all together. (What was I thinking?)

There are consequences for these actions and I'm feeling it right now with the most painful headache in the history of all headaches. I can barely see straight. It hurts.

One would think Id learn from this 'mistake' having made it before, but no.I'm turning this situation around and theres only one way to do it.

Friday I'm getting laid.

Monday too.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Needs.

I have been fucking the same guy for three years give or take. That's a long time. The sex was great. I say 'was' because I'm almost done wit him. We are still on a break. In the mean time, I have needs.

I replaced lover about a month ago with someone a little older by three or four years. He is the coolest guy. We haven't been together yet, but it is certainly building up. I am bothered by him...the things he says. I almost cant take it.

Friday I will have some part of him.

Wait.

Theres another guy I haven't been talking to for very long, but he reminds me of lover he is open and blunt. Text messages from him:

-I'm going to take you out.
-We are going to walk in with my hand on your ass.
-We are going to sit down with my hand on you thigh.
-I'm going to signal the waitress with my hand resting on your pussy.
-We are going to order drinks with my fingers in your pussy. When do you want to go?

I don't want him.