Wednesday, November 10, 2010

New Job.

So I got the job at the casino. The position is Cage Cashier, in case I didn't mention it before. I didn't realize how vigorous the process was for this type of thing. The whole gaming application was ridiculous, but worth it. I get two weeks of training and then I'm on my own. I'm excited. No more retail and all the crap that goes along with it.

The NNG asked me if was going to start hanging out with my other friends when I start having extra money. The answer is more than likely, yes. I want to hang out now, the only thing missing is the money. I think he secretly likes that I'm not able to go and do the things that I want to do at least then he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him behind or something.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fingers Crossed.

I love this time of year. It gives me something to look forward to.

I had a job interview for a local casino a few days ago. It went really well and I wasn't nervous at all, I was scheduled for a second interview the same day. The position is Cage Cashier-Full Time if I was selected for the job I would make three more dollars an hour plus tips. I really hope I get this one. I'm not so great at math even basic math, but I am willing to try it before I knock it. I need this change desperately and it really cant be that hard. With three weeks of training, I think I could master it.

Cross your fingers for me!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Our Pets.

About 2 weeks ago we acquired a new puppy. We call her Gretta. Shes a German Shepherd pure bred, almost 4 months and a complete handful. I figured I should post a picture of her seeing as how I think she's adorable.

Just last night we took both of the dogs for a walk and we were stopped twice about her. One lady wanted to buy her and the other guy was surprised to actually see one. I didn't realize German Shepherds were such a hot commodity. Now that I know, I feel like I need to keep a better eye on her when we go out. I would hate for someone to take her from us. It would crush me. It has crossed my mind though to sell her and pay some bills, but its too late, Ive already fallen for her....even if she is a natural disaster.

I guess I better show you the other dog, Zuri. This one belongs to the NNG and most times she only listens to him, but shes six so shes not as hyper. They're both big lovers.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Apples...The Red Ones.

This little blog of mine has been getting me into all kinds of trouble. I thought about deleting it on more than one occasion, but I'm a glutton for punishment or something because this blog isn't going anywhere for a while....as of now.

I don't have much to say this time around except that one of the things I love most about the NNG is that he doesn't try to shield me or keep me away from certain things. He lets me fly, so to speak.

I might as well ramble a little whilst I'm here, yeah?

The NNG and I are going to Vegas on the 16. Its right around the corner.

I'm excited to be experiencing something new with him....its not often we run into something he hasn't previously explored. There is still that whole wedding thing, but hopefully we get time to really relax. He deserves it. He's been working way too much. I wish he would slow down just for a minute.


Its funny how something you were not very partial to in the beginning later becomes one of your favorite things. That's how I feel about the jeans I'm wearing.

;-)

Friday, September 3, 2010

New Book.

The downtown library is my favorite place these days, I just wish I didn't have to pay for parking every time. If I stay for an hour or less its free or just one dollar, but who carries cash these days? An even better question: Why don't they take credit/debit cards?

In other less depressing news I have found a book that has been keeping my attention pretty well. Its called Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned by Kinky Friedman. It pretty much had me from the first few sentences and it just keeps getting better.

"There are two good things about living in a basement apartment. The first is
that you cant kill yourself by jumping out the window. The second, and this is
the most important one, is that whatever you do and wherever you go, you know
you're always going to be on the way up..."

I'm only on chapter 20, but thus far I think I'd recommend it.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Quote.

"Ever get so bored with your life, you're afraid your gonna do something stupid?"

-Mojave Moon


Too familiar.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Yearly Review.

Still no new developments on the job front, but at my current job we just had our yearly reviews and long story short I got a pretty good raise.

I heard through the grapevine that we were going to get raises this time around, (last year we didn't) but no one was expecting it to be anything great. In fact, I'm so fed up with this job that I was going to quit if my raise didn't make it to the next dollar bracket, but it did and all is well.

I am still going to continue my search for a job closer to where I live now.

Saturday Memory.

Once the LP Guy told me that he loved me, obviously he couldn't have been serious, but he went on to say, ‘Why else would it hurt so much when you blow me off? It explains why I can’t go a day without hearing from you. It just sucks because I’ve never met anyone that I vibe so well with. It doesn’t happen often. I don’t know what to do.’

Always entertaining, that one.

Non-date.

I stood 6'3 up.

We were supposed to meet for drinks, instead I went to a barbeque.

I almost feel bad about it, maybe I'll reschedule. He's good conversation.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hmm...

Its interesting how we hang onto certain things and experiences as it impacts our lives. Its like we never truly move on, and when you think about it how can we? There will always be that thing or moment from the past that sticks with us forever because the impact of it was too great to be let go.

Or maybe that's just me.

Every now and then I catch myself drifting back into old habits due to some of the things I hang on to, which is proven to be a not so good thing...but what can you do, right?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Random Thoughts.

I feel like I am going through life waiting for something monumental and good to happen. I get to a point where I'm just on auto pilot until the next big thing comes along. I know better than this of course. I have to make things happen for myself, but when I get into that type of a rut, it takes a little time getting out.

I want to get back into reading. I've stopped and now I need that great escape from reality....especially now that things feel like they're caving down on me. I'd like to start a new long series, something completely time consuming.

My job search has thus far resulted in four interviews and zero callbacks. I don't really have much to say on that except...cant win em all. In my defense I really did try...Honest, I did. I was good, but someone else was better, I guess.

It seems as if the more you let someone in the easier it is for them to tear you down, even if they re not trying to. I let the NNG in completely and it seems like he lacks faith in me when I 'dream big' out loud to him. Its not a fun feeling.

Monday Music.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Quarter Life Crisis.

Well the holiday is here and guess who has to work??

Me.

At least I get time and a half, which will be a nice surprise, I'm sure.

I am having a quarter life crisis and here is the outline of it.

-I've been at my job for three years come December and I barely make over minimum wage.
-I'm going to be 23 and the world is slowly slipping from my fingertips.
-I've been looking and interviewing for new jobs and I'm not having the greatest luck.
-I have bills that my current job cant really cover.
-To top it all off my car started leaking oil.

My next step in life will hopefully change all of this.

Fingers crossed.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Sunday Confession.

I'm sick of feeling like I'm alone when I have someone who is supposed to hold me up when I've fallen. I slipped once and was judged and looked down upon because of it. I've too much pride to express how much that actually hurt me.

Segue to greener grass here.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sunday Confession. Fathers Day.

My biological father wasn't around when I was growing up.

Recently I've welcomed him back into my life.

I can tell that he regrets not being around.

We're like strangers.

I almost envy the relationship he has with my sister.




I grew up with an awesome step dad.

I didn't want for a single thing.

I'm grateful for that.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Wish List.

My computer is still MIA, meaning they have no idea whats wrong with it and absolutely no clue on how to fix it so they're exchanging it for a new one and I get my money back.

Yay! There is a silver lining.

I really want one of these nice little pieces of machinery and this is why, but I dont see that happening anytime soon.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Money Woes. Random.

It seems like Ive been looking for a second job for years, but its only been about 2 months. I applied to a local sex shop....fingers crossed for that one. I really need the extra money just so I can break even and get back ahead. My car took a lot out if me, but that's okay it was necessary.

I gave myself a six month time period to have everything back as it should be, with my all my bills paid in full and a small amount of savings on the side for whatever. My self control is amazing, so I can do it.....but not without a second job my current job is nowhere near enough.

My computer is broken. The Geeks have had it since May 28th. I've been sharing a computer with the Nice New Guy, which prevents me from blogging the way I want to, but hopefully I can go pick it up today or tomorrow. I miss it terribly. They keep saying that they will call me when anything changes....they never do. So once again I will be the one calling them.

In other news, I hate the Nice New Guy's dog. She behaves horribly and I'm sick of it.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday Frustrations.

My car does not run on air.
I am not your chauffeur.
Stop slamming shit.
Take your trash with you when you get out...I'm not your fucking mother.
Don't like my driving?...Get out and find another way.

What I say goes.

Period.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm curious to know what love feels like to you?

Odd question.

Love is like...Shit. Judgement. Confusion. Eggshells. Muscle Relaxers. Falling. Purple. ACTs. Excitement. Music. Fear. Lust. Fun. Obligation. Determination. Inspiration. Life.

That's all I've got in the moment.

Ask me anything

Could you do without sex?

Yes. Would I like it?...No.

Ask me anything

Monday, May 17, 2010

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

New Life.

There's so much to say, but I wont cram it all into one post...it'll be confusing.

The Nice New Guy and I are now living together.

It might not seem like much to most people, but its quite the hurdle in my life. Everything is so different...in a good way, I think. I've not yet ran away, so it must be in a good way. Ha.

This novelty of this new life is rather interesting.

The bad thing about this situation is that we've both been working our asses off and haven't been able to see each other as much as we used too, it seems....since he now has two jobs.

His hours are early to midday. Mine are midday to midnight.

On the upside we still manage to have plenty of sex.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Do you want to get married?

Um. Its not that I don't want to get married, its just something I don't actively think about and plan on doing. I mean, if it happens...it happens. If not...okay.

Ask me anything

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Do you feel guilty for anything?

Yeah, but fuck it. Shit happens.

Ask me anything

Do you have many regrets?

A few. As soon as they invent a time machine, let me know.

Ask me anything

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Is New Nice Guy the one?

Maybe. Who can really say? Living in the moment.

Ask me anything

Monday, May 3, 2010

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Do you do anything that your Nice Guy wouldnt like?

Probably.

Ask me anything

Would you rather be single?

Sometimes I feel like it would be way easier, but as of now...no.

Ask me anything

If I flew in would you meet up with me?

Depends. Who are you?

Ask me anything

What are your goals for you're education?

You'll know as soon as I do. I like the idea of Medical Assisting. I think I could enjoy that. We will see.

Ask me anything

Are you in an open relationship?

Im not in an open relationship, but Im not opposed to the idea either. He is.

Ask me anything

Saturday, May 1, 2010

What's your favorite movie quote?

"Allow me to be frank with the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on."

Ask me anything

Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday Frustrations.

I haven't seen my guy in about a week or so. I miss him terribly.

I've yet to get an actual interview from my job search.

I'm so close to just saying fuck it and keep the job I have, but I really want to work in the city, it would be so much more convenient.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/JHardyThomas

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

TMI Tuesday #234 - Celeb Edition

Who is one celebrity you would like to:

Cuddle? --Will Smith
Elope with? --Johnny Depp/Rob Pattinson
Love? --Gael Garcia Bernal
Excite beyond words? --Josh Hartnett
Bang? --Brad Pitt/Jude Law
See in bed with their current fling? Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry


Bonus (optional):Tell us about one encounter (if any) that you've had with a celebrity.
Umm, years ago when I was working at a hotel gift shop I saw Bow Wow walk through the lobby he had a concert that night. At that same job Mike Epps and his posse came into the shop. I forget what he bought, but he was in town for a comedy show.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

TMI Tuesday #233 - (Repost of #72)

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Commando is sexy and a little sleezy at the same time. Be free...why not?

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
Hmm for me if I start to go insane, then actual penetration is needed....soon.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
Oral sex is good both ways....most times. When giving it, its more enjoyable when I initiate it on my own rather than him requesting it.

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
One is never enough.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Morning sex...hmm. The Nice New Guy seems to be big on morning sex. In AR's blog I rode the fence on morning sex and coffee. So my answer is...'Well if I have to.'

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Don't think so.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

More Emailed Questions.

You and Lover seemed like you were really into each other, why did you pick the Nice New Guy over him?

Um, I don’t know. Lover and I were really into each other, but we also had our issues, some of which I never wrote about. Some of those things were too much to look past. When it was good it was great. When it was bad it sucked, which is why we had so many breaks. The Nice New Guy is nothing like him. He handles himself in a completely different manner, which is still at times so new to me. The only similarity is probably the fact that they can both get angry pretty quick and they both fancy cigarettes.

How did you and Lover communicate if he hardly ever spoke?

Hmm. I had to learn to read between the lines. Meaning, I paid close attention to his facial expressions and his body language/movements. I had to be a mind reader of sorts. It didn’t bother me because that’s how he is, I accept it. We’re all different. It wasn’t like he was a mute; he just didn’t go around carrying conversations with people for the sake of being social. He is not personable, but it works for him. Ive become more of an observer and less of a talker because of him, especially when it comes to meeting new people....old habits die hard.

Why don’t you post pictures?

I don’t know really. It’s not that I don’t want to or anything, it’s just something that I haven’t done. Lately I’ve been thinking of changing that. We’ll see, I guess. I've actually been taking lots of interesting photos.

Would you ever go back to Lover?

I probably would have, if I didn’t know the Nice New Guy. Not because we had something great, but because it worked for me. It was easy not feeling obligated. We did what we did and that was it…for the most part. Something he did a few years ago put in stone that I would never actually commit to him…I won’t go into it, I come out looking weak. Some of you already know.

Have you met any other bloggers in person?

I like talking to other bloggers. It’s like talking to old friends sometimes, but I’ve yet to meet any of them in person. I had a dream I went to a Blogger Convention and so many people I ‘knew’ was there. Twas very interesting.

Give us some really dirty details about you sex life with the Nice New Guy.

Hmm...where to start. I'm getting all I can stand, but I always want more...I'm wearing him out. He's very tentative to me and my needs, his erection is beautiful and strong. Often times he can bust a nut and keep going for a whole new round...without pause. I really really appreciate that...there are no words.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Emailed Questions.

I've been slacking on the emails, hopefully this makes up for it.

Now that you're in a relationship, would you ever cheat?

In all honesty, I've thought about it...literally and generally it has crossed my mind and my answer is, no. I wouldn't cheat. I've seen and heard what cheating can do to a person and I cannot imagine putting someone through that. Another reason as to why I wouldn't cheat is because I don't have an excuse for it, nor do I foresee one arising. If it does happen to come to that then we shouldn't be together.

Why do you like the LP Guy so much?

Actually, I think Ive already answered this one, but I'll go ahead say it again. Hes seven years older than me. I dig older men. Hes a guys guy. Hes honest, blunt and doesn't hesitate when he talks to me. He loves his job, which I find amazing and rare. No subject is off limits, he has an eye for detail and we mesh well. Plus he introduced me to Chevelle. Bonus...hes an AWESOME texter...so good it deserved all caps. Texting is of my favorite things.


You have mentioned having a threesome with another woman, have you always been attracted to women?

Hmm. No, this is a new development of sorts. I've always admired the beauty of a woman, but I've never really seen a chick and thought, 'Damn I'd like to get in them panties.' With this whole threesome thing my views have since changed, for the cause.

Whats the news on the threesome? Will you post about it?

Talks of it have simmered down. Other, more important, things have been taking place so the threesome thing kind of got put on pause, but I am one thousand percent sure that its still something he wants to do. More specifically, the talks slowed down when I mentioned our third being a male....he didn't like that too much. His mind doesn't open that way, I guess. If it happens I will definitely post about it...no doubt.

Why did you take a lot of your blogs down?

I didn't think anyone would notice actually, but I took them down because it was a completely different time when I wrote some of that stuff and a lot has changed. I didn't want any confusion as it were. Everything written by Lover was taken down because that chapter has ended. I'll probably re post some of them soon.

What is better, sex with Lover or sex with the Nice New Guy?

Too different to compare. I wouldn't know where to begin and I don't think I should.

Are you ever going to have sex with the LP Guy since he's your favorite?

At one point I wanted to...badly...and I would have, but during that time I was with Lover and I have a one at a time personal rule. To answer the question, I don't foresee it happening anytime soon, if at all for that matter..so no.

Why haven't you posted about any encounters with the Nice New Guy?

Well. Good question. I don't have a good answer though. Ive been writing about the encounters. I have billions of drafts, but every time I sit down to write one I never seem to finish it....then the moment is lost and I never come back....soon though.

You said that Lover was intense at everything he did, even sex. How does the Nice New Guy compare?

Lover being intense is an understatement. He is the king of brooding intensity. The Nice New Guy is the exact, complete, polar opposite of Lover. On the intensity scale to 10...Lover is a 30. Nice New Guy is a 4. Sex included.

Why don't you write about any other men?

Hmm. Good question. I guess no other man has left any significant impact on my life that urges me to write about them. Maybe I'll start doing flashback posts...Millions of things are running through my head...should be fun.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Complete Opposites. Irrelevant.

I like to keep people I know in separate boxes. In other words, I keep different groups separated. I don't know why that is, its just how things happened. So when someone tells me that they want to meet someone from another group, I hesitate...not because I don't want them to meet, but because I don't think its a good idea.

I was proven right when I introduced a childhood friend to some friends from high school...bad vibes all day, but this isn't about that.

Now, I'm all about bringing people together, but things are different when it comes to certain people. For example...and the reason for this post...the Nice New Guy wants to meet Rob the Roommate.

Its not a big deal on paper, but in reality I just don't feel good about it.

Its like Affliction/Tapout meets Vans/Sonoma.


I remember an issue Lover and I used to have about me not introducing him to my friends and family. He thought I was hiding him, which wasn't the case, but in all honesty who would want to meet someone who rarely ever speaks back when he's spoken directly to? He couldn't care less about first impressions. Lover is the type of guy who is not going to change for anyone, what you see is what you get. (I applaud him for that...to a certain extent)

Rob the Roommate is rude in a different way. If midway into the conversation he stops giving a fuck, he'll tell you. If you say a word that doesn't have any logical definition (oh, ah, um, hmm) he'll stop listening.

The Nice New Guy is the complete opposite. Hes personable, he smiles and can talk about anything. He knows so much, it amazes me sometimes. (Swoon)

All of this is irrelevant.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Selfish Sacrifice.

The LP Guy...

I've always said he was my favorite.

I've always said that I had a deep deep superficial love for him.

I've always said that I'd marry him for no other reason than our highly entertaining conversations.

I meant it....but it seems my posting about him will come to an end.

The reason for this new and devastating development....Nice New Guy.

I don't have anything to hide from him so whenever the LP Guy messaged me I didn't run to another room to talk to him because I didn’t think it was an issue. (all the LP Guy and I ever do is talk. He lives an hour away) Well, turns out my guy doesn't like the idea of the barely present LP Guy. (maybe I should have ran to another room)

I completely understand where he's coming from, regardless of that slick shit comment I just made. In all honesty, I don't want to stop talking to the LP guy. It seems like I've known him for forever it makes me unhappy not to talk to him, but I get it.

All this adds up to me being selfish.

Here’s why...

I don't want to not talk to the LP Guy, but I don't want to draw lines in our conversations as the Nice New Guy mentioned as an option.

Objectively it would seem like I don't respect my guy enough to do the right thing, but in my own defense that's not true. I more than respect him; I can only hope he knows that. Which is why I'm going to cut the LP Guy out altogether instead of drawing lines...because once again, I'm selfish.

If I can't have the sprinkles, I don't want the cake.

I fell into deep superficial love with him because of his outspoken, unrestrained self...it won't be the same if I tell him to stop all the things I like and to alter who he is just so I can keep him around.

Once again, if I can’t have the sprinkles...I don’t want the cake.

I'm going to justify this by saying that if I continued to talk to him after my guys request not to, our conversations would not change in content, thus damaging our relationship.

Back to reality.

It may not seem like it, but in my own sick, twisted way the Nice New Guy does come first.

Maybe I'm not selfish at all.

In fact, one could see this as a small sacrifice of sorts...hmm.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

TMI Tuesday #231 - Sexual Healing

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
There are many things that turn me on, but the one thing that gets me every time is when I am told what is going to be done to me.

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
Tide Bleach Pen (Nice shape and size)
Hair Scarf
Lotion

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?
Yes. Its not often that I don't orgasm, but when I don't the feel of him alone is quite enjoyable.

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
Doggy Style because it seems to be a favorite to many people...and Side Fucking because its my favorite.

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
Sex in the stacks.

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?
Take these, get laid and call me in the morning with details.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Just In Case.

Someone asked me why I wake up so early. No matter how late I stay up I can always get up at or before 11 or 10. Its rare that I sleep in past those times unless I'm under the weather or I over did it the night before.

I'm a just in case early bird.

Rob Thomas said it best.
'I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something.' (Unwell)

Life sucks hard sometimes, but I feel like there's always a chance that tomorrow will be okay if I start off early.

Sleep. Wake up. Survive. Start over.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Rants.

I am still thoroughly pissed off from the past days events and the more I think about it the worse it gets, which will prove to be a serious problem. I'm glad it happened.

I've said this before, but I have ZERO tolerance for people who think things are owed to them just because they exist.

Sorry life doesn't work that way....Get fucking used to it.

No one owes you shit. ESPECIALLY not me.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Meet The Parents.

I met the Nice New Guy's mom.

It went fine, I guess. There's nothing really special to report about it, but since I said I would here goes...

She seemed nice and was friendly, I suppose. We had lunch at a joint. I actually think they should change the name of that place to Joint...it fits better. It was awkward at first due to the weeks of anticipation.

We talked about books, dogs and cheese....that's pretty much it.

The next day he and I had dinner with my mama and sister. Its not the first time he's met them, but I'm sure that sucked for him. I mean, even I wouldn't want to have dinner with my mama. I know how she is. She can judge your entire character with a single look or question and from there she decides if she wants to deal with you or not. She doesn't like to waste her time and she doesn't care for the bullshit. You need to have your stuff straight to even be on her radar. To top it off she doesn't hide any of it....It'd be hilarious if it weren't so true.

The whole meeting the family thing SUCKS. I don't like it. The alternating holidays routine is not fun for me. Ive only met two other mothers in my life and they were both by surprise. Those guys knew me well enough to know that it was not something I necessarily wanted to do.

The first one was in high school. I had a curfew then and it was after a school dance. We had some time to kill so he took me to meet his mother. It was quick. Not at all awkward. She liked my hair. I was shy then, they both understood that and didn't push much conversation out of me. I appreciated that. We looked at pictures.

Side note: It is not fun for me to see family pictures. I just don't care that much. If its not hanging on the wall I don't want to know.

The second time was Lover's mom. I had no idea where we were going, which was not unusual as he hardly spoke. His mom is best described as loving. She hugged me a lot and she cooked for me. Conversation flowed easy with her. Seeing her was like being around family...it was just easy. I kind of miss her. It is hard to believe that Lover is her son. I wouldn't mind paying her a visit.

I'm not at all looking forward to meeting the Nice New Guy's dad...Not even a little bit.

Whatever, I guess.

Whatever.

The LP Guy wants to take me to a concert. He offered to pick me up, take me out and stay with him. I dont ever really see him since hes about 30 minutes away, but it sounds nice right? A few months ago I probably would have said yes, but whatever.

I cannot stand it when people ask me for money, I wont do it. Its not like it happens often, but it still pisses me off. We are all in the same boat, and that boat is called broke as fuck. I am not a bank, nor am I your fucking mother...go away. Its not happening I don't care who you are. I'm not talking about a dollar here five dollars there. Im talking 50 plus...the answer is no.

I'm starting to shutdown. I don't know why, but I can feel myself disconnecting. I'm sleeping an awful lot, which, if you know me or if we've spoken, is not normal. Pretty soon I'm going to be on auto pilot. Work, sleep. Sleep, work. Nothing in between. Good way to save money. I'm looking forward to it actually.

I'm going to put in for more hours...we'll see if I'll actually get them. Speaking of work, I have been looking for another job, so far no luck, but whatever.

In My Head.

These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I don't even know where to begin or even if I should. I'm the type of person who can think of something that happened a year, month, week or day ago and still be equally as pissed off as I was when it first took place....its a gift, I know.

Here are the thoughts that have been floating in my head and some that were actually shared over the past few days.

-I don't like feeling as if everything is my fault. I don't like being the one who is constantly apologizing for how I feel. If I'm miserable and you're in earshot you are going to know about it. End of story. Deal with it or else a decision has to be made. That's it.

-Its warming up. I thought I would be happy about the warmer weather, but I'm not. I do not enjoy sweating like a fucking pig for no reason.


-I hate, hate, hate having to repeat myself.

-I'm turning into my mother, which is not a bad thing, but it means having ridiculously high standards. She's right most times, but even still we are polar opposites on most topics.

-Its a good thing I can watch my shows online.

-I left my guys house on a not so good note, which is really too bad...I kind of wanted to get laid again before my 28 days are up.

-Just because you are a serial monogamous and I'm not does not mean you know it all. It means you have a problem...not me.

-If it is so easy for you to throw in the towel, tell me what the point is.

-Slow and steady does not win the race.

-I'm probably going to say something I shouldn't say...I'm going to think about it, I'm going to say it and its likely that I'll regret it, but I'm going to say it anyway.....Oh well.

-My priorities are fucked and there is absolutely no reason for it....No good reason at least. I haven't been doing a single productive thing these last few weeks. I need to start doing for me...the right way.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

3 Things.

-I have gotten off track in a terrible horrible way, but I am determined to get it together. In fact, I'm starting on the my right path tomorrow. One step at a time. Eye on the prize. Blah blah.

-I am meeting the Nice New Guy's mom today. I'm not as nervous about it as I was before, but hopefully it goes good. I'll try to be sweet and smile. I've gotten a lot of feedback about this and I will be myself only a little more polite. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

-The Nice New Guy fucked me in the stairwell of my complex over a balcony in the middle of the night. It was very exciting. Nothing ever gets old with him. I cant imagine what it'd be like having to quit him.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Progress.

The search for a third hath begun.

I met a girl about a week ago at a friends mini house party and I think shes perfect for the job. She's bi, her and her guy are in an open relationship and she's down for the get down. Plus as far as chicks go shes my type. Not at all the girl next door.

We'll see.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Last Night.

Last night was St Patty's Day. Its not a holiday I typically look forward to celebrating, but My Nice New Guy wanted to take me out and I wanted to get drunk, which is becoming a regular occurrence. I need to slow down on that, especially with what has been going on behind the scenes.

Anyways, he took me by a few bars that were nothing special then decided that we should go to Westport. We went to about three or four bars in that area, I had a few beers there. The streets were closed off and there were vendors out. I had the best hamburger of my life that night.

CMJ drunk dialed me.

On our journey back home we stopped at a gay bar called Buddies. I had the most fun in that bar, as it wasn't packed to capacity and beyond...like every other bar we went to that night. The music was good and the people were awesome.

On top of it all we took free shots with the bartenders. I had a hot sex shot...it was sweet. I was pleasantly drunk.

Later that night the Nice New Guy fucked me. Actually hes been fucking me three times a day since Monday.

He spoils me.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday Music...Again.

True Story.

Once the Nice New Guy and I broke the barrier so-to-speak, it seems as if we cannot sit next to each other without making out or physically touching in some way.

This day in particular we were at the mansion aka my place, watching girls fight over Ray J...or some other stupid and completely addictive reality television show, when during the commercial break the carnal urge to kiss him took over. Cue the heavy make out session.

Kissing. Licking. Sucking.

My fingers were laced in his hair, he angled my body under him...there was some serious business about to happen. I arched my back up towards him as he pressed himself closer to my body. There was a new urgency in our kiss.

Roug kissing. More licking. Hard sucking.

(Side note: My nipples are waaaay more sensitive with the piercings and any amount of pressure sends me into a mini frenzy.) Free hugs.

I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck. He somehow managed to snake one of his hands between our bodies to find my clit, to which he applied pressure. At this point there is not a coherent thought in my mind except him.

His mouth.

His hands.

His dick.

Sex.

All of a sudden he stopped. He looked at me and said, "It would be so cool to have a house boat."

WTF. It was almost hilarious....almost.

Monday Music.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sunday Confession.

This whole relationship thing is fairly new to me. I say fairly because with Lover there were a few lines even though we did our own thing, but this is completely different as this guy is my only thing.


I am not accustomed to answering to anyone and explaining myself to anyone.


I'm used to doing what I want to do. I'm used to hanging out with whomever I want...and that's it. Ive never had to stop and think of how it could affect another person and honestly Ive never really cared....yes I'm that selfish, or I was that selfish.

So my confession is that I have never opened up to any one person until now. The seemingly constant flow of emotions scares me sometimes and I don't think I know how to really deal with it.

Oh well, I guess.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Frustrations.

Just a meme I found.

-I tried my best to be guarded. Now it is out of my control and I hate it. With everything inside of me, I hate it. What happens now?

-Working nights. My availability is open, but still nine out of ten of my shifts are closing shifts. I do not like it, but if I change my availability there's a chance I wont be scheduled at all. Cant win.

Need.

What I need right now is to be bent at the waist, taken by my hair and fucked thoroguhly.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Not Clear.

A few days ago my Nice New Guy asked me how things ended with Lover.

I paused for a minute. I was searching for something to say that wouldn't make him worry or question things between us. Then I realized that Lover and I didn't end we just stopped...like we've done so many times before, which is probably why he is still talking to me.

I tried to explain to him that what Lover and I had was just a drawn out fling thing. We were on and off and on and off. I don't think he liked the idea of it. I don't blame him.

Things are too open ended with Lover. No matter how many times I say no. He doesn't hear it. I think that's due to the fact that we've always had an open situation. He did his thing, I did mine.

I need to be clear...without seeing him.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

~@#@~

I know I haven't been a very good blogger as of late, but I have been writing...just not posting, which probably doesn't count for much...but still.

Anyways things with the Nice New Guy are good. He has a bad fucking habit of dropping things on me when I'm drunk as if I'm going to forget that shit when I'm sober. Ugh. Some of that shit should have been said weeks ago. I'm still pissed.

Someone asked me what it was like for me to actually claim someone in a relationship. I didn't know what to say, but I can say that I didn't think I could care this way. With Lover it was different, I didn't let myself open up to him enough to really care. I tried to open up to him once, but he soon proved to me that it would have been a bad idea.

I fucking love McDonald's breakfast. What a wonderful way to start the day. It's really too bad they don't serve it all day.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

City Date.

If you know me then you know that I have dreams of living the big city life. The Nice New Guy knows this about me and for the last few months or so he's been promising me a date. When I think of a date the typical dinner and a movie comes to mind, not to say its a bad thing, but its very cliche and more of what I was expecting.


He told me the night before that he was going to be working all day Monday, which undoubtedly made me sad because I was really looking forward to seeing him. Long story short, eight o'clock rolled around and I get a phone call from him telling me to get ready.


Instead of driving the Mustang he surprised me and came via taxi that took us to the city, where we had dinner, desert, explored the town...etc. Every place we went was by way of taxi. It doesn't sound like much, but the amount of effort he put into giving me something I've never had and always wanted made me happy. I couldn't stop smiling.

KC New York date....best date of my entire life!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Saturday, February 13, 2010

So.

The amount of drafts I have built up over the past few months is amazing. I've been trying to say something specific and no arrangement of words seem to work, but now it doesn't matter.

The Nice New Guy and I have decided to become exclusive. I'm not sure what to say on that bit. It kind of came out of nowhere, but I will add that being with him is easy and doesn't feel forced.


Today he told me that he wanted me to meet his parents.


I panicked a little.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Random Things.

My hours have picked back up, which is a great thing. I'm going to need the money and once things are a little more concrete I'll go into detail. If we've spoken then you may already know.

There is a new manager at my job, which means I need to start looking for a new place to work. Him and I are not vibing well and I don't plan on trying to get along with him. The crazy thing is that I've only met him once.

I'm still screwing the Nice New Guy, which means I'm still talking to him. Its not in me to be a complete bitch to him. He doesn't deserve it, plus I like him. Things are easy with him.

School...Not much to say here. I'm in another math class and so far I'm doing waaaaay better than I did last block, but I'm sure this last week will fuck that up. I'll get it together though, I promise.

Hair- Ive been thinking seriously about colouring my hair red in a few months. Its about time for me to have a new edgy look. I hate blending in.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

**--**

Ive been seeing a lot of the Nice New Guy. I should point out that a month ago I didn't like him past his face, now I cannot get enough of him. I don't want this to sound like more than what it really is, because its not.

I really like that he understands me and how I am. He knows that there is a line and when things get...too intense or too close he pulls back. All unsaid...until recently.

One night he asked me why I avert my eyes when he looks at me. I told him why, but of course he already knew. Last night, when he was doing that thing I like...completely innocent...we were face to face and he asked me why it bothered me. I told him, but now I'm getting the impression that it bothers him. I think he wants the extra intimacy.

After he left we started texting and he said that he wouldn't hurt me. I'm reminded of the conversation we had about me not letting him in. We had that talk before he started 'sexin' me up.'

Monday, January 11, 2010

<-->

Ive had a few days off recently. One of those days I spent with the Nice New Guy at his apartment. I wont go into details, but we were all over each other all day...we did somehow watch two full movies though.

He is my new addiction. Even after I know I cant take anymore, I want it. We went at it three times, with no more than a five minute pause in between. He recovers quickly and his hands are constantly roaming my body...nonstop, before, during and after. Usually I don't like to be touched that much, its too intimate, but I love when he does it and I miss it when he's not doing it...like now.

He's a very perceptive man. When we hang out I cant help but be reminded of Lover. They have a lot of the not so good things in common.

He also wants to cook for me.

Monday Music.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

TMI Tuesday #220

Would You Rather...

1. A relaxing vacation or an adventurous trip?
I'm torn. I mean I've always wanted to do the whole Goonies thing, but at the same time I want to just lay back and chill. I'm afraid I cannot choose between the two. Cop out, I know.

2. Get a perfect nights sleep or have amazing sex?
This one is easy and seeing as how getting laid is all I really want to do I'm going to say amazing sex. Who knows, maybe I'll get really lucky and sleep will follow.

3. Rather be intimate with the lights on or off?
Either way. Its all fun and stimulating. There are times I want to see and be seen and times I want the element of surprise...depending on what we're doing and how dark it is.

4. Your S/O be a terrible kisser who could always make you orgasm or an amazing kisser who could never make you orgasm?
Ha. I love these questions. I would rather him be a terrible kisser. Kissing is not important. The orgasms are.

5. Date someone much younger or much older than you?
Easy. Older. I've a thing for silver foxes.

Bonus (as in optional): Which reality show would you be good at? Why?
The Real World...its one big party.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Monday Music.

Oh Yeah.

The piercings are healed, but just to be safe I've been keeping them off limits. It amazes me how much more sensitive they are now. Cant wait to grant full access to them.

My drought is over thanks to the Nice New Guy. He's such a turn on. He's my current craving and it shouldn't go unsaid that his dick is the biggest I've ever experienced. The first time was uncomfortable, but not entirely unpleasant. Its funny because if I knew before hand what he was working with I would have turned him down, but the things he did to me had me nearly begging for it. I was sore for two days and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I dig a little pain with pleasure.

As soon as he left I was ready for round two. He has no idea what he's gotten himself into. In fact, he should be here fucking me now.