Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Meet The Parents.

I met the Nice New Guy's mom.

It went fine, I guess. There's nothing really special to report about it, but since I said I would here goes...

She seemed nice and was friendly, I suppose. We had lunch at a joint. I actually think they should change the name of that place to Joint...it fits better. It was awkward at first due to the weeks of anticipation.

We talked about books, dogs and cheese....that's pretty much it.

The next day he and I had dinner with my mama and sister. Its not the first time he's met them, but I'm sure that sucked for him. I mean, even I wouldn't want to have dinner with my mama. I know how she is. She can judge your entire character with a single look or question and from there she decides if she wants to deal with you or not. She doesn't like to waste her time and she doesn't care for the bullshit. You need to have your stuff straight to even be on her radar. To top it off she doesn't hide any of it....It'd be hilarious if it weren't so true.

The whole meeting the family thing SUCKS. I don't like it. The alternating holidays routine is not fun for me. Ive only met two other mothers in my life and they were both by surprise. Those guys knew me well enough to know that it was not something I necessarily wanted to do.

The first one was in high school. I had a curfew then and it was after a school dance. We had some time to kill so he took me to meet his mother. It was quick. Not at all awkward. She liked my hair. I was shy then, they both understood that and didn't push much conversation out of me. I appreciated that. We looked at pictures.

Side note: It is not fun for me to see family pictures. I just don't care that much. If its not hanging on the wall I don't want to know.

The second time was Lover's mom. I had no idea where we were going, which was not unusual as he hardly spoke. His mom is best described as loving. She hugged me a lot and she cooked for me. Conversation flowed easy with her. Seeing her was like being around family...it was just easy. I kind of miss her. It is hard to believe that Lover is her son. I wouldn't mind paying her a visit.

I'm not at all looking forward to meeting the Nice New Guy's dad...Not even a little bit.

Whatever, I guess.

Whatever.

The LP Guy wants to take me to a concert. He offered to pick me up, take me out and stay with him. I dont ever really see him since hes about 30 minutes away, but it sounds nice right? A few months ago I probably would have said yes, but whatever.

I cannot stand it when people ask me for money, I wont do it. Its not like it happens often, but it still pisses me off. We are all in the same boat, and that boat is called broke as fuck. I am not a bank, nor am I your fucking mother...go away. Its not happening I don't care who you are. I'm not talking about a dollar here five dollars there. Im talking 50 plus...the answer is no.

I'm starting to shutdown. I don't know why, but I can feel myself disconnecting. I'm sleeping an awful lot, which, if you know me or if we've spoken, is not normal. Pretty soon I'm going to be on auto pilot. Work, sleep. Sleep, work. Nothing in between. Good way to save money. I'm looking forward to it actually.

I'm going to put in for more hours...we'll see if I'll actually get them. Speaking of work, I have been looking for another job, so far no luck, but whatever.

In My Head.

These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I don't even know where to begin or even if I should. I'm the type of person who can think of something that happened a year, month, week or day ago and still be equally as pissed off as I was when it first took place....its a gift, I know.

Here are the thoughts that have been floating in my head and some that were actually shared over the past few days.

-I don't like feeling as if everything is my fault. I don't like being the one who is constantly apologizing for how I feel. If I'm miserable and you're in earshot you are going to know about it. End of story. Deal with it or else a decision has to be made. That's it.

-Its warming up. I thought I would be happy about the warmer weather, but I'm not. I do not enjoy sweating like a fucking pig for no reason.


-I hate, hate, hate having to repeat myself.

-I'm turning into my mother, which is not a bad thing, but it means having ridiculously high standards. She's right most times, but even still we are polar opposites on most topics.

-Its a good thing I can watch my shows online.

-I left my guys house on a not so good note, which is really too bad...I kind of wanted to get laid again before my 28 days are up.

-Just because you are a serial monogamous and I'm not does not mean you know it all. It means you have a problem...not me.

-If it is so easy for you to throw in the towel, tell me what the point is.

-Slow and steady does not win the race.

-I'm probably going to say something I shouldn't say...I'm going to think about it, I'm going to say it and its likely that I'll regret it, but I'm going to say it anyway.....Oh well.

-My priorities are fucked and there is absolutely no reason for it....No good reason at least. I haven't been doing a single productive thing these last few weeks. I need to start doing for me...the right way.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

3 Things.

-I have gotten off track in a terrible horrible way, but I am determined to get it together. In fact, I'm starting on the my right path tomorrow. One step at a time. Eye on the prize. Blah blah.

-I am meeting the Nice New Guy's mom today. I'm not as nervous about it as I was before, but hopefully it goes good. I'll try to be sweet and smile. I've gotten a lot of feedback about this and I will be myself only a little more polite. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

-The Nice New Guy fucked me in the stairwell of my complex over a balcony in the middle of the night. It was very exciting. Nothing ever gets old with him. I cant imagine what it'd be like having to quit him.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Progress.

The search for a third hath begun.

I met a girl about a week ago at a friends mini house party and I think shes perfect for the job. She's bi, her and her guy are in an open relationship and she's down for the get down. Plus as far as chicks go shes my type. Not at all the girl next door.

We'll see.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Last Night.

Last night was St Patty's Day. Its not a holiday I typically look forward to celebrating, but My Nice New Guy wanted to take me out and I wanted to get drunk, which is becoming a regular occurrence. I need to slow down on that, especially with what has been going on behind the scenes.

Anyways, he took me by a few bars that were nothing special then decided that we should go to Westport. We went to about three or four bars in that area, I had a few beers there. The streets were closed off and there were vendors out. I had the best hamburger of my life that night.

CMJ drunk dialed me.

On our journey back home we stopped at a gay bar called Buddies. I had the most fun in that bar, as it wasn't packed to capacity and beyond...like every other bar we went to that night. The music was good and the people were awesome.

On top of it all we took free shots with the bartenders. I had a hot sex shot...it was sweet. I was pleasantly drunk.

Later that night the Nice New Guy fucked me. Actually hes been fucking me three times a day since Monday.

He spoils me.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday Music...Again.

True Story.

Once the Nice New Guy and I broke the barrier so-to-speak, it seems as if we cannot sit next to each other without making out or physically touching in some way.

This day in particular we were at the mansion aka my place, watching girls fight over Ray J...or some other stupid and completely addictive reality television show, when during the commercial break the carnal urge to kiss him took over. Cue the heavy make out session.

Kissing. Licking. Sucking.

My fingers were laced in his hair, he angled my body under him...there was some serious business about to happen. I arched my back up towards him as he pressed himself closer to my body. There was a new urgency in our kiss.

Roug kissing. More licking. Hard sucking.

(Side note: My nipples are waaaay more sensitive with the piercings and any amount of pressure sends me into a mini frenzy.) Free hugs.

I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck. He somehow managed to snake one of his hands between our bodies to find my clit, to which he applied pressure. At this point there is not a coherent thought in my mind except him.

His mouth.

His hands.

His dick.

Sex.

All of a sudden he stopped. He looked at me and said, "It would be so cool to have a house boat."

WTF. It was almost hilarious....almost.

Monday Music.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sunday Confession.

This whole relationship thing is fairly new to me. I say fairly because with Lover there were a few lines even though we did our own thing, but this is completely different as this guy is my only thing.


I am not accustomed to answering to anyone and explaining myself to anyone.


I'm used to doing what I want to do. I'm used to hanging out with whomever I want...and that's it. Ive never had to stop and think of how it could affect another person and honestly Ive never really cared....yes I'm that selfish, or I was that selfish.

So my confession is that I have never opened up to any one person until now. The seemingly constant flow of emotions scares me sometimes and I don't think I know how to really deal with it.

Oh well, I guess.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Frustrations.

Just a meme I found.

-I tried my best to be guarded. Now it is out of my control and I hate it. With everything inside of me, I hate it. What happens now?

-Working nights. My availability is open, but still nine out of ten of my shifts are closing shifts. I do not like it, but if I change my availability there's a chance I wont be scheduled at all. Cant win.

Need.

What I need right now is to be bent at the waist, taken by my hair and fucked thoroguhly.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Not Clear.

A few days ago my Nice New Guy asked me how things ended with Lover.

I paused for a minute. I was searching for something to say that wouldn't make him worry or question things between us. Then I realized that Lover and I didn't end we just stopped...like we've done so many times before, which is probably why he is still talking to me.

I tried to explain to him that what Lover and I had was just a drawn out fling thing. We were on and off and on and off. I don't think he liked the idea of it. I don't blame him.

Things are too open ended with Lover. No matter how many times I say no. He doesn't hear it. I think that's due to the fact that we've always had an open situation. He did his thing, I did mine.

I need to be clear...without seeing him.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

~@#@~

I know I haven't been a very good blogger as of late, but I have been writing...just not posting, which probably doesn't count for much...but still.

Anyways things with the Nice New Guy are good. He has a bad fucking habit of dropping things on me when I'm drunk as if I'm going to forget that shit when I'm sober. Ugh. Some of that shit should have been said weeks ago. I'm still pissed.

Someone asked me what it was like for me to actually claim someone in a relationship. I didn't know what to say, but I can say that I didn't think I could care this way. With Lover it was different, I didn't let myself open up to him enough to really care. I tried to open up to him once, but he soon proved to me that it would have been a bad idea.

I fucking love McDonald's breakfast. What a wonderful way to start the day. It's really too bad they don't serve it all day.