Saturday, April 10, 2010

Selfish Sacrifice.

The LP Guy...

I've always said he was my favorite.

I've always said that I had a deep deep superficial love for him.

I've always said that I'd marry him for no other reason than our highly entertaining conversations.

I meant it....but it seems my posting about him will come to an end.

The reason for this new and devastating development....Nice New Guy.

I don't have anything to hide from him so whenever the LP Guy messaged me I didn't run to another room to talk to him because I didn’t think it was an issue. (all the LP Guy and I ever do is talk. He lives an hour away) Well, turns out my guy doesn't like the idea of the barely present LP Guy. (maybe I should have ran to another room)

I completely understand where he's coming from, regardless of that slick shit comment I just made. In all honesty, I don't want to stop talking to the LP guy. It seems like I've known him for forever it makes me unhappy not to talk to him, but I get it.

All this adds up to me being selfish.

Here’s why...

I don't want to not talk to the LP Guy, but I don't want to draw lines in our conversations as the Nice New Guy mentioned as an option.

Objectively it would seem like I don't respect my guy enough to do the right thing, but in my own defense that's not true. I more than respect him; I can only hope he knows that. Which is why I'm going to cut the LP Guy out altogether instead of drawing lines...because once again, I'm selfish.

If I can't have the sprinkles, I don't want the cake.

I fell into deep superficial love with him because of his outspoken, unrestrained self...it won't be the same if I tell him to stop all the things I like and to alter who he is just so I can keep him around.

Once again, if I can’t have the sprinkles...I don’t want the cake.

I'm going to justify this by saying that if I continued to talk to him after my guys request not to, our conversations would not change in content, thus damaging our relationship.

Back to reality.

It may not seem like it, but in my own sick, twisted way the Nice New Guy does come first.

Maybe I'm not selfish at all.

In fact, one could see this as a small sacrifice of sorts...hmm.

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