Monday, September 14, 2015

Not Proud Of This...

Sometimes I struggle with facing and expressing my emotions. It's like I can't comprehend them and I feel anxious or confused or confrontational when I'm forced to recognize and articulate them out loud. 

Due to this I can't help but feel like I'm not connecting with people in the way that I should be. Especially my husband. I want nothing more than to give him what he needs from me on a personal heart to heart level,  but sometimes I can't. I wish I could just talk to him the way I mean to...the way I want to, but it doesn't come out right. I know that it hurts us in the long run and I do want to change it, I'm just not sure how.

Even as I write this, I know how silly I sound because being that we are married I must open up to him in some way, right? I thought that too, but I do the bare minimum sometimes and I know it. I don't mean to.

I would definitely credit this problem to my last relationship. I wasn't expected to speak my emotions nor did I care enough to. I do know that I'm still a little fucked up from that one.